by, June 21st, 2012 at 09:55 PM (131 Views)
Breakfast: 1/2 Grapefruit
Lunch: Steak & Spring Mix w/Balsamic Vinegar (oops!)
Fruit: 1/2 Grapefruit
Dinner: Ground chicken patty seasoned with oregano/basil/salt/pepper & Spring Mix with a radish and 3 cucumber slices
Supplements: d3/biotin/multi/traceminerals/bentonite clay/b12
Being the first day on VLCD i suppose it is only natural that i would feel super emotionally deprived in regards to food.
Those of italian descent can relate. Food is love, love is food, and much of life is based around FOOD when you are italian.
Evenso, I am not overweight because i am italian, but rather because i am an emotional eater. I compensate that which i cannot
deal with in life, with food, it makes me feel secure in what is sometimes a harsh world. i can ALWAYS get what i want in terms of FOOD, and in that knowing, is comfort...and calories.
Anyways, i have voluntarily sacrificed that comfort now on the altar of Change and today is not without difficulty in having made that choice.
Maybe i didn't LOAD enough, even though in the weeks leading up to my anticipation of beginning this regimen i loaded PLENTY.
I feel...deprived, strange vivid dreams, racing thoughts at night (which i counteract with essential oils), and intensely preoccupodo with the idea of downing a brick oven pizza. To make matters worse, the cosmic comics seem to be throwing all forms of trying life situations at me. It is said that once one embarks on a journey of change, all past patterns will cling like slighted lovers begging to be taken back.
I am a person who is entirely unfamiliar with any sort of *strict* regimen so this should be interesting. I am not a *yo-yo* dieter, although my weight has fluctuated tremendously throughout my life. I was never very slight in stature, even when not overweight...always being the *biggest* girl in the class laid me open to all sorts of chides from classmates. Chronologically, my unhealthy relationship with food started when i was about 15...ah the pressures of teenage angst. By 18 i had ballooned up to 215 lbs primarily due to my emotions, my mother's extraordinary gift at cooking, swanson's pot pies and the girl scouts. (*thin mint*, to be precise- what an ironic name- eh?).
So, I went to a sleep away camp for weight loss, and lost about 33 lbs there which was a good start. Since then I have fluctuated between 155 and 185 consistently, and i suppose it has depended upon my will power at any given time to reel in my need to stuff my face whenever i am faced with anything i cannot emotionally digest, and get out there and MOVE. I enjoy dancing, yoga, hiking and biking. I had short romance with running but found it so boring- tedious really. Swimming, I LOVE but tend to feel sick after going in the chlorinated pool. Point being, i enjoy exercise but i lack CONSISTENCY. I tend to devote to one thing for awhile then break stride and fall into some vortex of indulgence. 20 lbs later i wake up and do it all over again. I chose this particular protocol because i feel that in it's strictness it will discipline me to develop a different relationship to food and to learn how, in this time period, to find a better way to face whatever life brings me without having to turn to FOOD to help me do that. I believe it can be a great catalyst for change- in more ways than just *pounds and inches*- although it will be awfully nice to fit into that green silk size 8 dress i have kept for YEARS anticipating the return of my svelte swagger.