I am a foodaholic...and this is my story......
by, November 3rd, 2011 at 12:38 AM (514 Views)
My name is Suzanne and I am 30. I not only have been over weight for as long as I can remember, but I have also been the only over weight person in my immediate family. That made growing up really hard, and sometimes I think it also made me become more over weight. That is no one's fault but my own. I think that the more over weight I became, the more I looked to food for comfort and it became a horribly vicious cycle. I can remember being 8 or 9 and sneaking food. I did not realize that I had an addiction to food until I started HCG. I am so thankful that I have come to recognize this problem because I do not believe I would ever have been successful at losing or keeping any amount of weight off without knowing that.
I am 5'4" tall and my highest weight was 247 pounds. I wore a size 20 in jeans. Two years ago we had a death in the family and I lost some weight and last year I got very sick and almost died and lost more. I have a lot of health issues. Diabetes, hypertriglyceridemia with triglycerides at one time over 8000. This caused pancreatitis which almost killed me. 13 days in the hospital with no food or water. That was horrible and felt like torture, however I do believe that going through that has helped me deal with the 500 calorie diet. I can at least say that 500 calories a day is WAY better than nothing for 13 days. After 13 days of no food I was on a diet for a month that consisted of nothing but vegetables and grains. I then was able to add chicken and fish and then progress to beef. I lived for a month on vegetable subs with mustard. I ate to live for the first time in my life, not just for the mere satisfaction of eating. It was a learning process, but I still had no clue I had a food addiction or dependence.
In January I got laid off from my job as a hospice nurse that I had been at for over 4 years. I spiraled down into a very deep depression and did not leave my home for 2 weeks. I would lay on the couch and get up to eat and use the restroom. I ate everything bad that I could get my hands on and soon regained quite a bit of the weight I had lost. I had gotten down to 193 pounds before I got laid off. By the time I returned to work 1 month later I was back up to 210. This depression kept on for several months, even after the new job. My heart just was not into it. It wasn't something I loved. I turned to food even more and was eventually up to 218. I had to hide a lot of the things I was eating from my husband and family because I knew that they would worry about my pancreas and health issues and would give me grief over it. I would sneak off and buy ice cream and eat hamburgers and french fries or other bad things, but then so that they would not know what I was doing I would have to eat when they did too. I started organizing pot lucks at work just so that I could eat the bad foods that other people brought. It was horrible and I would feel so guilty and then I would eat more because I felt so guilty and the food was what I felt would comfort me. Many days I would eat so badly that my pancreas would begin to hurt and my abdomen would become so swollen and bloated that I could not wear my clothes comfortably. I would say I am going to change, I can't keep doing this. I would fast for 24 hours to rest my pancreas and then I would return to doing the same things again.
About 4 months into the new job I began to realize what I was doing to myself and I began to watch what I was eating somewhat better. I have recently been brought back to work at the hospice I was working at and my depression is gone. I feel whole again. I am doing what I love again, but I also realize that I could get laid off again and that I cannot base who I am on the job I do. I have realized that I have to make changes for me. That is what brought me to HCG and HCG has already helped me realize this horrible weakness and these horrible behaviors that I have. I will never return to that closet eating person again. I am finally ready for these changes. I think it took all of those things to bring me to this point. To finally truthfully be ready to take on this endeavor.
I have realized that for a long time deep down inside I was afraid of losing weight. It has been my excuse and also a shield. I was afraid of being thin and still being the ugly duckling. As long as I was fat it was okay for my sister to be prettier than me because she was skinny and skinny people are just prettier, right? That is how I looked at it before. Now I realize that I may not be a beauty pageant winner, but I am me and I like who I am on the inside and other than being fat, I like who I am on the outside.
Sorry for the book, but this is a healing process for me and something I felt like I needed to share.
I started HCG on 10/26/11 at 209.4 pounds. After loading I was at 211. I am currently at 204.6. I'm happy with the weight I have lost, but at the same time feel I could have done better and lost more. I am on VLCD 6 and have lost 6.6 pounds so that is above average and I am pleased with that. My goal this round is to lose at least 30 pounds. I have always hidden from pictures and my very beautiful and trim little sister wants to take pictures for Mom for Christmas. I want to be proud to be in them and not feel like the ugly duckling next to my Beauty Pageant winning little sister. LOL. Seriously, she won several...
At start of HCG round 1 I was 209.4 pounds and my measurements in inches were:
Chest 48 1/4
Waist 43 1/4
Belly button 45
hips 43 1/2
Biceps R 14 L 14 1/4
Thighs R 24 L 23 1/2
Calves R 17 L 17
I've been really inspired by Miley Cyrus' The climb and that is my inspirational song for this journey. It describes how I feel about this weight loss. I will keep posting in here and hopefully something I say will help someone, if not this Blog will make a wonderful venting stage for me. I am so excited about this and hope we can all be BIG LOSERS together. I know this post was a little on the negative side, but I had to get it out there. Who knows, maybe somebody reading this will realize they have some of the same issues and it will help them come to terms with it and help them tackle that and enable themselves to lose more weight.
Praying you all have big losses tomorrow!