Thank you for these posts -- I'm here tonight (this morning) after my first real cheat and feeling a bit lost. I'm not sure why I cheated, but the scale shows that I'm up 4 lbs. So I can't sleep. I had friends over this evening, and had a couple of glasses of wine and lots of Indian food. And a couple of cupcakes. I didn't even make a plan to stay on protocol and I so very easily disregarded all of my hard work staying on P2 protocol for the past two weeks.
In reading these posts, and trying to understand the emotional underpinnings of this sabotage, I see that my particular way of sabotage is almost like a metaphor for my life-- "unintentional". Like I take no responsibility for anything -- like I'm along for the ride. I react to my environment only. And not in a blame-someone-else way, at least not directly. Tonight it was almost like the I was unable to change the "playing host" role to fit my needs.
I guess I fix this by trying to be less on auto-pilot generally, right? I worry about my ability to function in later phases when it's less structured.