I'm a couple of days shy of 1 month on HCG (the real thing, doctor supervised, injections, and so on - not "homeopathic drops"). The physical results have been incredible, about 25 pounds down, getting close to my high school pant size, which is my aim. I'm not looking to be a movie star, I just want to feel like me again after two decades of not losing post-baby fat. I have PCOS and have historically had issues with progesterone - as a teenager, a clinical depression (brought on by trauma) was solved with progesterone, and when I was trying to get pregnant, miscarriages were solved by progesterone. My HCG doctor has been informed of all of this.
This year I've been through a divorce, during which my husband/ex-husband had some serious and scary health problems (in between which he managed to also be a complete jerk to me, point being there were a lot of ups and downs). But I was on a stable and steady path to self-improvement and my doctor suggested another doctor in the area who was doing this HCG stuff, so I felt I was going into it with good advice. Did some research online and watched the Dr. Oz Episode on it but it was hard to determine whose negative experiences were coming from using the fake over-the-counter drops versus the Rx.
Two weeks ago I got very upsetting news. I found out someone I am really in love and believed in with might have been lying to me, cheating on me, perhaps for quite some time. I know a million other people in this country alone probably got the same kind of news on the same day, and were hurt too. I'm also aware that people go through much worse, god forbid. I have much to be grateful for, I know that. But the bottom line is this hurt in a way I just couldn't let go of. Even though, truthfully, I didn't and don't know the truth of it still. That has ceased to the point. But the point is, that prompted some really really serious upset for me. Crying, sobbing, limp, weak, a bunch of stuff I'm way too old and way too mature and experienced to feel. Where was the outrage if it was true? I've been here before without absolutely and immediately losing my will to live.
So the feeling of upset had been going on about a week and a half, during which I talked to my therapist several times (yes - don't worry, after this tough year I'm in therapy), and talked to my friends much. They're probably sick to death of me. Anyway, everyone started to feel and say this just didn't seem like me. Well, I'm IN it, so, to me it feels EXACTLY like me. It's who I am at the moment, how I feel, and I don't know how to rally. I even saw Him at the beginning of the week, looked him in the eye and believed him and had a very loving exchange with him, but the next day I was even WORSE. Intellectually none of this is making sense. Until last night one of my friends said she wondered if it was the HCG.
As I indicated, I did a lot of Googling but couldn't find anything except "depression" as a possible side effect, or old old forums from 2007 where people talked about the OTC drops. Many references as well to its use as a fertility drug, which involved other drugs and other emotional issues.
All I know now, and what I am hoping so desperately for help with, is that I am really down. Everything feels like an effort. I feel hopeless and bleak and panicked and....trust me, I've had clinical depression before, a long time ago, and this is worse than I ever remember feeling. Could it be the HCG? I mean, obviously I have other issues I'm working through, I get that, but I was functioning and thinking clearly. Now I just want to be dead (am not going to DO anything about that, but am feeling just that bad, that afraid that I will never be better.
yet at the same time my weight loss results have been so good, and I've wanted this for so long, that I'm thinking if I can just power through two more weeks to get the best results possible, if it IS the hormone then might I look AND feel great in, say, three weeks? If this is causing the depression, how long does it take to get the hormone out of my system?
I'm sorry this is so long but I am really down and very desperate for hope. Thanks to anyone for "listening"