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Thread: Please Please Help - severe depression

  1. #1

    Please Please Help - severe depression

    I'm a couple of days shy of 1 month on HCG (the real thing, doctor supervised, injections, and so on - not "homeopathic drops"). The physical results have been incredible, about 25 pounds down, getting close to my high school pant size, which is my aim. I'm not looking to be a movie star, I just want to feel like me again after two decades of not losing post-baby fat. I have PCOS and have historically had issues with progesterone - as a teenager, a clinical depression (brought on by trauma) was solved with progesterone, and when I was trying to get pregnant, miscarriages were solved by progesterone. My HCG doctor has been informed of all of this.

    This year I've been through a divorce, during which my husband/ex-husband had some serious and scary health problems (in between which he managed to also be a complete jerk to me, point being there were a lot of ups and downs). But I was on a stable and steady path to self-improvement and my doctor suggested another doctor in the area who was doing this HCG stuff, so I felt I was going into it with good advice. Did some research online and watched the Dr. Oz Episode on it but it was hard to determine whose negative experiences were coming from using the fake over-the-counter drops versus the Rx.

    Two weeks ago I got very upsetting news. I found out someone I am really in love and believed in with might have been lying to me, cheating on me, perhaps for quite some time. I know a million other people in this country alone probably got the same kind of news on the same day, and were hurt too. I'm also aware that people go through much worse, god forbid. I have much to be grateful for, I know that. But the bottom line is this hurt in a way I just couldn't let go of. Even though, truthfully, I didn't and don't know the truth of it still. That has ceased to the point. But the point is, that prompted some really really serious upset for me. Crying, sobbing, limp, weak, a bunch of stuff I'm way too old and way too mature and experienced to feel. Where was the outrage if it was true? I've been here before without absolutely and immediately losing my will to live.

    So the feeling of upset had been going on about a week and a half, during which I talked to my therapist several times (yes - don't worry, after this tough year I'm in therapy), and talked to my friends much. They're probably sick to death of me. Anyway, everyone started to feel and say this just didn't seem like me. Well, I'm IN it, so, to me it feels EXACTLY like me. It's who I am at the moment, how I feel, and I don't know how to rally. I even saw Him at the beginning of the week, looked him in the eye and believed him and had a very loving exchange with him, but the next day I was even WORSE. Intellectually none of this is making sense. Until last night one of my friends said she wondered if it was the HCG.

    As I indicated, I did a lot of Googling but couldn't find anything except "depression" as a possible side effect, or old old forums from 2007 where people talked about the OTC drops. Many references as well to its use as a fertility drug, which involved other drugs and other emotional issues.

    All I know now, and what I am hoping so desperately for help with, is that I am really down. Everything feels like an effort. I feel hopeless and bleak and panicked and....trust me, I've had clinical depression before, a long time ago, and this is worse than I ever remember feeling. Could it be the HCG? I mean, obviously I have other issues I'm working through, I get that, but I was functioning and thinking clearly. Now I just want to be dead (am not going to DO anything about that, but am feeling just that bad, that afraid that I will never be better.

    yet at the same time my weight loss results have been so good, and I've wanted this for so long, that I'm thinking if I can just power through two more weeks to get the best results possible, if it IS the hormone then might I look AND feel great in, say, three weeks? If this is causing the depression, how long does it take to get the hormone out of my system?

    I'm sorry this is so long but I am really down and very desperate for hope. Thanks to anyone for "listening"

  2. #2
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    I'm so sorry for all that you are going through at the moment. You certainly have plenty to be stressed and upset over. Those feelings are only natural.

    As far as feeling really depressed during this protocol....
    I have found that its been especially difficult for me to cope with things lately as well. For me, personally, I am discovering just how much I "medicate" myself with food. During a normal situation, when I am not on hcg protocol, I can stuff my feelings away with food. During protocol, I am forced to face my feelings and deal with issues because I cannot turn to food to fill that emotional need.

    I don't know if the same holds true for you, but I thought I'd share.

    Have you read, "Weight loss apocalypse?" It's really amazing and talks a lot about emotional eating and the hcg protocol.

    I really hope you feel better soon.

  3. #3
    I have also been depressed at times during this protocol. Not to your extent, but then I haven't had the reasons you do. I have been worrying about money issues, due to not getting paid because of my own lack of keeping on top of things. I have also had some spotting, and have not had a period in the last couple of years. I figured it was the hcg. Mine isn't enough to change anything as of yet, but if I were in your shoes I would put my mental health and happiness first. The weight will come off in another month or two. Right now, I think you should take care of you first. You can get this straightened out in your mind and decide how you want to proceed now and then when your feeling better go back and try the diet again. I hope you feel better.

  4. #4
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    im so sorry to hear this

    I was depressed for myself awhile in phase 2 but just got out of it by reminding myself how much more i have to do still and slowly the stress,fears and dissapointment shed with my weight. Before hcg I was depressed for a few years (reasons of which ive buried deep and would rather not discuss) I took triptophan (sp? i know thats wrong haha). Its an all nautal anti-depressant that changes the hormones in your head and you become more balanced with happy endorphins..i gentically lack half of what "normal" people have so for me this was great. No side effects except needing to take so many! I was on them a year and am happy to report im 2 years off.. im only 19 but life hasnt been the easiest. I dont mean to push the drug on you i just wish to probe your intrest of getting healthy and happy in a safe manner.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Start - 150.1
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    ?????-weight in the 25th of august (updated daily)




    -Megan

  5. #5
    I think before I was slammed with The Bad News I was a bit cranky, now that I think of it. More raw - a male friend of mine, who actually is consistently a bull in a china shop when it comes to emotions in general, said something that offended me (I think it was actually about this diet, and how much more he knows about EVERYTHING than I do, blah blah blah) and instead of me being my usual calm, "keep everyone happy" self, I got really irked with him. He spent a few days after that being mad at me and saying "there's something wrong with you!" (he's known me many years, fwiw). Now, I didn't think my response was out of line, but I could see why he thought it didn't seem like me. So, yeah, maybe the whole time this has made me a little more sensitive and less patient. In that case it may even have been a good thing. But that, obviously, wasn't something that hurt me deeply or touched my heart in any way, it was just "arrrrrgh! I'm so sick of him being such a blowhard!" and I reacted.

    But I guess I'm bringing that up because that DOES kind of indicate hormone activity, right? It was pretty consistent with PMS, for example. So then when something big and real was added to the mix, and I was in kind of a constant state of vulnerability, I had no defenses. None of the anger I had about the small stuff, and none of the anger I SHOULD have had about the potentially big stuff, just limp, sad exhaustion. I believe today it might be feeling a little better - now, that could be because I've reached out to you, and it could be because of the mere idea that this depression might not be real but just the side effect from something I have control over taking or not taking; it's probably because of both. I'm going to feel my way through the remaining two weeks, one careful day at a time.

    But I'd love it if anyone else has stories of any sort of emotional swings or vulnerability or whatever that they'd attribute to the hcg. Crankiness, sadness, anything that just hasn't quite "felt like you"?

    I don't want to give up. I've lost so many pounds and gotten so many compliments and I can't afford to re-do this program if and when I'm in a "perfect life", so I just want to do my best now and hopefully be in a completely different place, physically and mentally, in a month.....

  6. #6
    By the way, ladibug, that "chewing on problems" stuff sounds familiar - WHAT the problems are isn't the issue, scale is relative and I'm well aware people have it much worse than I do too - but the chewing chewing chewing.... Like we can think our way out of it, or, somehow, magically think problems into not existing anymore. Maybe that's where the depression comes from. Essentially beating my head against an emotional wall for 2 weeks. "Is it true? Did he do it? Will I ever know? Will my life be okay anyway? Will I be in limbo forever? Can I ever feel better? Is it true? Did he do it?....." Arrrrrgh!

  7. #7
    hismistress - are you taking any supplements? Some people take a supplemet - I believe it's called - 5HTP which to help with their mood. Anyone who is eating close to 500 a day is bound to be a little bit cranky but you get used to it.

    I'd research this forum and look on YouTube for ideas on the different supplements other HCG users are taking to help with mood, energy, etc.

    IMO, I don't think your attitute is totally due to the HCG, you have a lot of emotional issues going on right now. I wish you the best and good luck. It does get better.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by hismistress View Post
    By the way, ladibug, that "chewing on problems" stuff sounds familiar - WHAT the problems are isn't the issue, scale is relative and I'm well aware people have it much worse than I do too - but the chewing chewing chewing.... Like we can think our way out of it, or, somehow, magically think problems into not existing anymore. Maybe that's where the depression comes from. Essentially beating my head against an emotional wall for 2 weeks. "Is it true? Did he do it? Will I ever know? Will my life be okay anyway? Will I be in limbo forever? Can I ever feel better? Is it true? Did he do it?....." Arrrrrgh!
    You seem to be in a state of "shock" due to the recent betrayal and other things going on. You need time to process what happened and then pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You can do it!

    You are doing the best thing you can for you right now and that is take care of you. Each day it DOES get better.

  9. #9
    Thank you for the encouragement. I searched this forum but found it hard to maneuver, however, my doc gave me approval for two supplements that might help. I'm hoping!

  10. #10
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    also maybe see about vitamin d..i know weird but without mine i was cranky...right before tom my pms was unreal...i could of been a different person my boyfriend told me...normally im fine. but one day i could stop crying ! it was full on retarded i cant even remembeer why but i didnt leave the house because i couldnt stop. idn if a midol would help or not haha

    Start - 150.1
    134.9- adjusted ldw
    ?????-weight in the 25th of august (updated daily)




    -Megan

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