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Andro-MJ

In Which My Very First Blog Entry Has Nothing To Do With HCG or Weight Loss...

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I am having one those weeks where it feels like I landed in a foreign country and nobody understands the other's tongue... I don't know what it is; I seem to be rubbing most of the people I interact with the wrong way and vise versa for no apparent reason. I swear in some cases some of the things we're fighting or getting irritable about this week, are the very things we were probably laughing about and enthusiastically arguing about with much higher volumes and gesticulating even. No one took it personal nor assumed the victim role then. Perhaps the fact that I haven't had any real human contact/interaction (intentionally) outside my doctors' offices for the last 6 months. Maybe I've forgotten how to read social cues and maybe my patience with them has grown thinner. It's like everyone including the men around me are PMSing or purging something fierce at the same time...
Like I'm genuinely trying to understand the unfolding of yesterday's events with her (should've listened to that nurse who warned me about the amnesia bouts and that my only agenda after the procedure should be watching silly cartoons and increasing my glucose levels. But hey, I forgot and I also had court orders/ eviction papers in my shoulder bag... Amnesia, right?).
First of all, this hospital pick up was pre-planned. The whole reason I arranged the ride was because they wouldn't even allow me to call a cab home due to the drugs after affects and unpredictable behavior I may or may not display... I felt fine and alert (I think) which is why betwixt getting ready to leave the hospital and my next scheduled appointment, I was taking calls about possible solutions for my housing situations... Among other things. Basically I was trying to juggle multiple balls whilst high as a kite and with potential pending amnesia (nvm that I hadn't slept in 2 days either)... By the time I got home past 5pm, I was practically sleep walking. So maybe my texts weren't expressive enough and maybe the tone of my voice didn't sound like I thought it did... I still don't know how all that became about me being specifically angry with the only person I had been face timing with minutes before they picked me up from the hospital and then mutually ranting about our current personal dramas whilst driving... Also, while I completely understand that I am not the only who was dealing with multiple stress in that car, of the two, I was the one who was inebriated (it's the main bloody reason I was getting the ride!) whether it was obvious or not and maybe the fact that I feel the much more sober party should have been a little understanding of why I was acting "off" and not following through with whatever plans I may have previously agreed to, maybe that's what makes me the ***** in this equation. Oh well...

Also, also, This is why I get super cautious when some people treat me like I'm the best discovery since sliced bread within weeks of meeting me and then when I obviously can't meet up to their made up idea of who I am, they completely forget that I was the one who often (annoyingly I'm sure) told them to curb their enthusiasm... That I preferred it if their excitement about me showed up after they'd at least had enough time to watch me in my natural habitat or after they've watched me throw the stupidest tantrum... I feel like if you still want to hang around me after that, then you have every right to declare that you love me and you don't know if your life would have as much joy if I wasn't in it... I'm much more inclined to believe that, than if someone said it because we've had some very mentally and perhaps spiritually stimulating conversations and the sex is/was apparently mind blowing... I don't know what that makes me and I'm not sure I care but more than anything I think I need to figure out why I keep gravitating toward things that fizzle the moment **** gets real...

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Updated April 27th, 2014 at 03:05 PM by Andro-MJ

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Emotional Autopsy

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