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Andro-MJ

Only VLCD #15 and I Genuinely Want To Throw In The Towel...

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WARNING (and apologies): Serious Rant Ahead:
I'm sorry I'm not in any better shape today... It seems my body doesn't want to leave the 160s.. On Sunday I had safely gone down to 158 and yesterday when there was no change in my weight, I wasn't as upset because I still had 16 days to go... This morning I woke up to a 160 on my scale! Logically, I understand that part of this is because 160 has been the lightest I've been most of my adult life so I get why it would take awhile to shift... But mentally it really sucks! Even knowing that it could be that I may have under ate and that maybe the turkey chilli I had may have been a little off protocol (I used RAGU pasta sauce bse I had no tomatoes) doesn't help at all...
I just want to feel like there's some redeeming quality to my life and right now, especially in the last 2 weeks, I don't feel like I can see the end of the tunnel... My weight is not really shifting as swiftly as I want it to, I am SOO broke and in debt but I can't do much about it because I've been on STD for 6 months now so I've depleted most of my resources, the insurance company through my job is starting to threaten to cut my payments bse of how long I have been off work, I am not eligible for most government or not for profit funds bse of how much my job's insurance pays me, I am facing eviction (and a court date soon) because of course for 6 months I've been delinquent in my rent payments, I don't have any friends or family in the city I live in so it's not as if I can ask for help, my family is also going through their own stress so I would feel ****ty asking for money (they don't have it anyway), and in the trivial section of my life... I've been having a very easy going fling with this person who suddenly said they were in love with me, I took it in stride (IMO I did, because I didn't freak out) and told them I needed time to figure out my own feelings... Instead of giving me that space, they accused me of being a cold and heartless ***** because I did not react to their love declaration the way they expected me to... I'm upset, because this is one of the few times I've actually tolerated someone's "sudden cling" in an effort to get over my own commitment issues... Generally, I feel so alone and desperate and even then, I don't know what to do to change any part of my situation because most of it seems already predetermined and out of my control... I'm so sorry for the extra long rant... I needed to get it out of my system and I genuinely have nobody else to talk to right now..

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