Antha

Its embarrassing to confess, but I didn't lose ANYTHING this week...or rather, that Superbowl / Strep throat cheat set me back an entire week. I feel like I wasted 7 days worth of HCG trying to get back down to where I had been. Technically, I lost...but it was re-losing, so it just wasn't the same. Looking at my Excel spreadsheet today and it says "Total Week Six Loss: 0" hurts. I still don't * quite * regret it. I regret the punishment I had to take, but at the time, I was very sick and weak and couldn't cook. I didn't blame myself for needing a break.

Finally, I am back to 151.6, just 11.6 pounds away from the first goal. I intend to reach it by the end of February. I think, regardless of loss, I need to stop at the end of February (or if I meet this goal, stop when I reach it). My birthday is coming up in early March, and I would like to be able to eat a little more normally by the time it gets here. I cannot believe I will be turning 30.

Today is VLCD 41. That's a lot of VLCD's. I know I've got enough willpower in me to get to 140, but I could've been so much closer by now. I doubt my amoxicillin had much to do with the slow weight loss. I still lost weight. I'm still not done with all the pills yet. My daughter got over her strep throat, only to be healthy a few days and end up with an upper respiratory infection and get put back on antibiotics again. This past week, we've both been sick.

I finally started feeling noticeably better yesterday. About dang time!

I bought these big dill pickles at Walgreens because I was craving pickles. Its within walking distance, versus cleaning the snow off my car, driving to a crowded Meijer, et cetera. These were Van Holten Hearty Dills (http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/van-holten's-dill-pickle/ID=prod6013140-product ). I love the "movie theater" giant pickles. I saw these and bought 5. Nobody told me all dills aren't created equal. I took a bite and thought it was my imagination. I took another one and gagged it out into the garbage can. They were so awfully BITTER and nasty tasting! So...now I've got 4 that will just get thrown out come trash day. That was disappointing.

I've taken to eating an egg with egg whites because its quick and very filling. That, and since my daughter and I have been sick, I really haven't been out to the grocery store (or much of anywhere else either!). Ran out of chicken, didn't feel up to cooking the steak. It hasn't seemed to affect losses. When I ran out of egg whites, I had just eggs with some water to make them go farther.

I feel like I'm losing steam. I know I can gut it out, but I feel like I'm cutting a lot of corners. I stopped cooking a vegetable for dinner, stopped bothering with lettuce for a chicken salad and just ate the chicken alone (before I ran out). Its really worth it and important to me to get to 140 and hang in there, but I can see that going on this long can get mentally taxing.

I was never a "cook every night" kind of person, so cooking up the steak or fish every night is wearing on me. Wish someone else would cook for me. I just wish I was there already so I could take a break for awhile from chicken. I would love some pork chops or some venison sausage patties...just something else. I know boring doesn't kill you, and that has been my mantra throughout this, but boring is really getting under my skin. I'm not excited about food anymore. Its a chore - to cook and eat something. I'd almost rather just not eat anything.

Ahh. This is just my deprived, tired mind. I'd love to eat chicken...if it's BREADED. I'm dying for a Hani from Coney Island. Some spaghetti, some pancakes, a peanut butter sandwich...at least SOMEDAY I'll be able to have these things.

Since I know I won't let myself stop until I reach 140, I need to maximize my losses. I need to be uber-strict and just force the chicken/fish/steak down my throat and get this done so I could make something with almond flour sooner and get my sanity back. The sooner I drop 11 pounds, the sooner I can have some sense of normalcy. One week of the diet (and the pellets) are gone. I need to not waste any more pellets or days. Man, I wish I could lose a bit faster than has been my track record (.5 average) and just be done with Phase 2. Wish I could've been one of those lucky ones that lose a bit more. Oh, well. It's not like I can do anything to make the losses come faster, right?