Diary of a Baby Sea Turtle

well, i've lost 14.6 lbs. yes there was an 11-12 day stall in there but i still feel like i should have lost more by now. ok, i'm a vegetarian. ok, sure - i'm already out of the overweight category on the bmi scale. but DR S's description of women knowing when something is wrong with their bodies before it becomes noticeable on the outside applies to me! i can see and feel that my body does not want extra fat at the knees, hips and armpits!! so why won't it just come off already!?!?

i mean, yes, the weight loss is "fast" and healthy. and, yes, i am losing inches (although i'm not measuring them consistently, maybe i should...) but it still doesn't feel like enough! the only thing screaming through my head is: "why can't i just leave the 140s!?!?"

and, i still have at least 10 more pounds to go after i finally leave the 140s - because if i can't reach my ultimate goal (123) or my realistic goal (127) then i want to at least be under 130 when i stabilize! and i keep thinking that i should work harder to get there, that i'm not doing enough, that i'm LAZY.... but, OMG, it is SO hard to motivate myself to go exercise when i feel like this whole thing is pointless because it's not getting me where i want to be!!

first of all, i feel sort of weak - i read in P&I that it's because i'm losing so much fat from inside the muscles... but it's still difficult to work out! also, when i'm not seeing large losses on the scale, i feel depressed and i don't have the motivation to put myself through the whole process of going to the gym early in the morning and walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes and then coming home

let me put my cool face on. sigh.. it'll be ok i guess, i just really wanted to see a new number today. see, the thing is - i've done the math and i can't find any info anywhere on exercise speeding HCG losses, so i'm pretty sure that i'm not going to reach my goal by the end of this month. it makes me pretty sad, because i don't want to re-set my hypothalamus above my goal weight - but at the same time, i don't think that i have the patience with this diet to continue on P2 after 47 (50) days.... i mean, how long can i possibly do this for? i'm supposed to go on a trip in early october!! i really wanted to be P3 then. how can i go on a vacation and still be on P2? i couldn't bring my hcg along... and even if i could, my friends would think i'm NUTTIER THAN SQUIRREL POO for only eating fat free cottage cheese, fish, and protein shakes!! so i really wanted to be on P3 for that. and i know that this is silly and young of me -- but i wanted to be on p4 for Halloween!! i didn't want to eat LOTS of candy, but i thought to myself, "it'd be so nice to just have the freedom to have a snickers bar" - and then the power to go out dancing or to the gym and burn it off.... because it'd only be stored temporarily once this whole process is over, right? my body will burn off the sugar i eat as i move around being active instead of automatically storing it.

i'm being ungrateful i suppose. this IS working, just much slower than i had anticipated. maybe i can continue the round further than the 47 days i already have planned, and just skip the early october trip and the halloween drinking and candy. that won't really be so bad... if i make halloween my last day of P3, i'll be about a week into P4 for the wedding trip that i have to take, so that'll be ok... that means my last hcg day would be the 6th of october - a 58 day round sounds really daunting... but at the rate i'm going, i think i need more than 20 more days to lose these last 15 pounds...

does anyone know anything about a)doing longer rounds or b)exercising speeding up hcg weight loss?

i'm going to the gym, and then to pilates class, which i skipped yesterday because i was too tired to go after going to the gym. i'm not in a great mood but maybe once i'm done, i'll feel re-energized rather than weaker and tired. i'm not skipping pilates either way. i'm not going to sabotage myself just because i'm emotional.