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Avic Victor

I got Issues

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by
Avic Victor
, March 27th, 2012 at 10:33 PM (1391 Views)
I seriously got issues, ever since my dog died it has become worse. I have been like a hermit really. I don't know why I tear myself down. I have some wonderful freinds but for some reason I just been secluding myself from the world. I hate my reflection and really I am not bad looking hell but I just feel so down on myself and my weight. I keep trying to live in the past when I had a nice body, I felt good and now I am just miserable especially today but some of that is due to loading on all this food it didn't help my ego. What is an ego I don't know I am just trying to find some self-esteem.

Maybe it is due to all the family abandonment I don't know but there is no way I am going to talk to a therapist about my feelings as they take notes and observe me. I am not knocking it but it just makes me feel worse. I don't know how to let go and give it to God and church is something I do make an effort to attend but still my life is such a mess to me right now. I really feel down but all in all I am trying. I have not given up so as I write this down I remind myself that I am here for a reason I just have to find myself again. Maybe once I shed some weight that may be possible. Tommorrow starts my diet and with it I will be working on more then just weight issues frankly I got a whole bunch of issues.

I decided to write my life motto here whenever I need to refocus I can read it.

The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturn your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful contenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to critisize others,
To be too large for worry, to noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the
Presence of trouble.
- Optimist International

With that I can boldly say I can do all things through Christ which Stregnthens me. My whole life changes starting one step at a time and
starting tommorrow.

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Comments

  1. Perseverance's Avatar
    Hang in there. You will feel so much better. I can't believe how much better I feel. Be kind to yourself. I think our mind can be our worst enemy. Don't let your mind think bad things about yourself. When you think something bad about yourself just say no that is not true and replace it with something positive...anything.Only think and say positive things about yourself. You are made in the image and likeness of God. There is nothing negative about that. You can do this. it is hard work but it is so very worth it. good luck on your journey.
  2. pccharnley's Avatar
    I agree with Perseverance Hang in there. Someone said to me that the HCG diet is 90% mental. You are not alone with your feelings, most of us can honestly say that we have been in your shoes. I still find that I do not look in the mirror at myself, but everyday that gets better because I try to say "I like myself" - doesn't always work, but the "stinkin thinkin" only hurts me, and I'm tired of hurting me. You can do this, and good luck
  3. redefiningme's Avatar
    God bless you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Before you were formed, He knew you. You were created to will and to work for His good pleasure. He is with you and will never leave you as an orphan. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You are a royal diadem, bought with a price, and being transformed into His glory every day. Draw near to Him, and the devil will flee.

    You are on the journey towards health and a new relationship with food! He wants to be your sustainer, the one who satisfies your hunger and your thirst. Drink from His water and eat His bread. He satisfies.
  4. Avic Victor's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Perseverance
    Hang in there. You will feel so much better. I can't believe how much better I feel. Be kind to yourself. I think our mind can be our worst enemy. Don't let your mind think bad things about yourself. When you think something bad about yourself just say no that is not true and replace it with something positive...anything.Only think and say positive things about yourself. You are made in the image and likeness of God. There is nothing negative about that. You can do this. it is hard work but it is so very worth it. good luck on your journey.
    Perserverance, I like your name and your pic that is so true never give up. There has been times that thoughts to just end it all have entered but I do have some people I would truly hurt not to mention a son, and to let them all down because I gave up! That would be the worst thing I could do, so I just can't give up. My mind and my flesh is mainly my worst own enemy yes I agree. I will take your advice and switch bait on my mind and only allow the good and cast out the bad thoughts thanks so much!
  5. Avic Victor's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by pccharnley
    I agree with Perseverance Hang in there. Someone said to me that the HCG diet is 90% mental. You are not alone with your feelings, most of us can honestly say that we have been in your shoes. I still find that I do not look in the mirror at myself, but everyday that gets better because I try to say "I like myself" - doesn't always work, but the "stinkin thinkin" only hurts me, and I'm tired of hurting me. You can do this, and good luck
    Thank you Pccharnley, I appreciate the support. I know how much thoughts can hurt, they are not helping when it is so critical towards our own self. Yes it is difficult to continue allowing this harrassment of self. We have to find love for ourselves for the uniqueness, I lost that love but I think that somewhere lies the truth and the distortions perhaps arose from me not forgiving myself for being human and making mistakes. We will both succeed at this, I just know it and time will heal all wounds.
    Updated March 28th, 2012 at 09:50 AM by Avic Victor
  6. Avic Victor's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by redefiningme
    God bless you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Before you were formed, He knew you. You were created to will and to work for His good pleasure. He is with you and will never leave you as an orphan. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You are a royal diadem, bought with a price, and being transformed into His glory every day. Draw near to Him, and the devil will flee.

    You are on the journey towards health and a new relationship with food! He wants to be your sustainer, the one who satisfies your hunger and your thirst. Drink from His water and eat His bread. He satisfies.
    God bless you too! Thank you as I read what you wrote my eyes swelled up with tears. It helped me feel stronger in faith and purpose. I will re read it everytime I start to feel down as it is powerful. I know the past few months have really been hard on me but this journey will be life changing because I am going to call out to God to be my helper first and foremost and I am going to work on cleaning out my closet so to speak.