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yup back again blogging to keep myself honest. a bit rogue because putting milk in my coffee . this is will be my heaviest start weight , I'm so ashamed to even type it but can't shy away from reality. sigh 221.50 is my start weight. Lord have mercy I really let myself go. Actually I got up to 228 at one point!!! WTFFFFFFF!! but I was like hell nah no bueno nope nope nope girl you better check yourself and get back on the healthy wagon. My goal for this round is 200 - 205. I will be incorporating ...

So I ended up loading for 3days -- I know I know protocol is 2 but life happened. VLCD starts tomorrow and I'm allowed to exercise but no heavy lifting. So tomorrow is the start of my journey to a new me. Goal for this 45day round is 20-30lbs.

Excited and I have a visual in my mind of what I'm gonna look like. -- can't wait.

Besides losing weight I want to use this process to challenge myself.I have a habit of setting goals and then giving up as soon as I make a simple ...

day one is going ok. I am telling myself this is a mental challenge and I can step up to the plate. I want to feel beautiful and comfortable in my own body so I have to lose this weight

Today is day 2 of loading, but I won't lie I've been. on. a food rollercoaster of junk for 2wks and I can feel it. on the plus though I've kept up my workout routine.

I know you're not supposed to start during that time of the month but really I could care less, I wanna start now so I'm starting now.

So since my hcg bottle broke i've been doing the whole lose weight the ol fashioned way. It is frustrating though that the weight doesnt come off like it does on hcg but in a way i think it's a blessing in disguise.

I have been yo-yoing on and off hcg since 2011 which has been extremely unhealthy (in my opinion). Right now im focusing on listening to my hunger cues, trying not to binge and getting at least 30min of exercise 4-5times a week.

Today i weighed in at 197.8, ...

Welp my hcg bottle fell on the floor and broke. sigh and it was pretty much full. Since i live all the way in africa, buying again and shipping etc is more than i can afford right now. So i guess i have no other alternative but to go to p3 after only 5days on p2 and just hope to the weight loss gods that i can lose weight on my own till i can afford to buy a new bottle and the ups/fedex international shipping charges.

i started at 206.8 and todays weigh in i was 200.8. I did have ...

So i've been good so far today. My mental battle is telling myself not to say eff it, i'll lose weight p3 style (which i know i can do). Mentally telling myself i'm doing this to get to a place where i'll be comfortable with then losing weight on my own. I cannot deny the fast results with hcg but damn the mental willpower it takes can be overwhelming.

Damn and it's only day 2. For me, the weekends are the hardest, the urge to mindlessly eat goes into overdrive. But i think my game ...

I have been sabotaging myself for the past 3yrs trying to get down to my ldw when i first tried hcg back in 2011. I have to say i'm officially tired of this rollercoaster. My weight dictates my life and I am tired of it, fed up and all in all exhausted emotionally from it. Hating myself everytime I see my body in the mirror eversingle day is not healthy.

So i'm back to kickstart. I only have a 30 day supply and my goal is 15 to 20lbs. From there I've decided it's p3 for life. Moderately ...

so this week was a total bust the study munchies binge just effed up everything- it's like my body is rebelling against getting back on track.

Feeling a bit sick too booo. So after my workout last night I ate 2 pieces of chicken and a homemade hot chocolate . this was around 10pm so I knew for sure i'd be up at this morning weigh in so I didn't even bother.

Definitely feeling fat and ugly and blah. I will not be caving into to my peanut cravings my next on-week which ...

So no weight loss for today's weigh in . I'm at 189.2. meaning that so far this week i'm at a big ol disappointing 1.4lbs which could've been more had I not given into my study munchies binge on Tuesday. I VOW TO MYSELF NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN. I'm going off hcg and hopping back on Monday. I need my sleep. Another reason why I prob didn't lose is that my body is exhausted from the exercise combined with lack of sleep. I refuse to slow down my exercise since teaching spin 3x is high intensity in itself. ...