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I may need to blog.

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I am not a person that is typically an open book but the good part about blogging is I get to choose what I disclose.

I have decided to start blogging so that I can hold myself accountable. I just know that I am an emotional eater and knowing that I will at times talk about my personal life some. OMG! My life is a mess at times too. This is taking a lot of courage on my behalf. But, I refuse to lose this time even if it means I have to be blindly vulnerable. Which is completely out of character to me.

I was always the "tough/strong" girl that no one hears complain much and if something hurt me I would say my peace but rarely cried. I feel as though my weight could be every tear I did not shed as I would grab a bag of chips, ice cream, or some other convenient comfort food to stuff that emotion down. I am carrying a lot of baggage emotionally and physically. I can't help but believe there is some connection. I just am not sure if all my emotional baggage is appropriate here.

Highlights of My Baggage

Parents where never there they divorced when I was 2
Dad was a Drug Addict
Mother was Mentally Ill
At 3 Mother married an emotionally unstable man
Stepfather mentally, physically, and sexually abused me until 10
At 11 was raped by family friend
Rapist was only sentenced to "therapy" as he was 17
At 14 My Mother and had fought constantly over her boyfriends that she only knew for a week at times and would move in I moved out
At 14 went to rehab for drug addiction
At 15 I moved in with my now husband
At 17 I lost my cousin who was like a brother
Lost many friends at 18 as they did not recieve help for thier addictions (alcohol and drugs) most was drinking and driving accidents
At 19 life got better I had my first daughter
At 21 bought home w/ hubby
My husband admits to me he came close to cheating with a friend
At 23 had second child
At 26 home was foreclosed on
At 28 An affair with my husband and my sister was uncovered ( decided to work it out)
At 30 today I am 130 pounds heavier than a healthy BMI and it makes me feel horrible

***When commenting please be kind as this is my personal life***

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