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Gone with the Weight, After HCG: Cassy's Question Made Me Think

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I've lost control and gained weight. I've gained control and lost weight. Now, I've gained weight and lost control? Or perhaps, as Cassy's question made me consider, it was all a Jedi mind trick.

Did I fall for the jealous Obi-Wan-onlookers who preferred the rounder me? As I reached the thinner me, did I truly go too far; or were they--the "concerned"--merely uncomfortable with one of their own transforming beyond the unspoken limits?

My best friend (whose results were so fabulous she should become the spokesperson for HCG diet success), frequently whispers that she suspects certain people in her life are sabotaging her new figure. They bring extra desserts; urge her to eat more; insist she's unhealthy; and are adamant she's gone too far.

Recently, I've had to agree with the masses: she's too rigidly fixed on her healthy lifestyle and she's too thin. She looks tired and gaunt. Where once there were soft curves, there are now bones protruding. Her hip bones reach the finish line before the rest of her. Her chest bones crave attention and beg to be counted, or plucked and strummed. Oddly, as I've gained weight, her condition has worsened...though her weight hasn't changed. Perhaps it's the green-eyed monster who's gone too far?

To paraphrase: Cassy asked me whether I believed I had gone "too far" or if I had caved under outside pressure. Had I believed I was too thin or had someone else convinced me that I was "too thin"?

My best friend hasn't become thinner, yet the more I gain, the more she appears "too thin".
Is it her or me?
Was it me or them?

Maybe 5'2.5 me should be 104/5?
hmmmm... Cassy, you've inspired a whole new angle to the scenario. . .

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  1. Catthai's Avatar
    This is beautifully written. Thank you.

    I live in the land of small women but they don't go to the lengths of skinny that women are known to do in the west. On average, they have small bone structures with what looks (to me) to be just the right amount of padding.

    While western women have that crazy habit of going scary skeletal. Some get on a roll of losing weight and don't stop at a healthy 'just right'.
  2. Dubbles's Avatar
    I so agree with both of you. Some models look like World War II victims, Instead of beauty I see only bones. Not for me. Thank god, I don't have the problem in my head--because that's where the overkill in dieting starts.
  3. Cassy's Avatar
    I really am perplexed by how others can say you became ill looking. Here is something I have recently run into.. I told a friend, my height 5'8, that I was going on a diet, and told her what my goal weight was, however I was going to stop or percede until I reached that weight or I was finally comfortable with my body. She now insists on working out 2 times a day, restricting her calories to less than 1000 and I feel like she thinks this is a competition. The question I was raising, is that how do we know the ones commenting are actually voicing concern, and not just jealousy, or loathing over our success? When you take dieting to an unhealthy extent, I can see there being an issue. It really is the motive behind you doing it though. Wanting to lose weight should not be about looking like someone else, or fitting into society around you. Beauty can be in large or skinny people. How did you feel being the weight you were when "comments" arose? What was your quality of life at? Did you feel like the person you wanted to be, that you could do tasks and accomplish things you couldn't before?