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fivetwoandahalf

Gone with the Weight, After HCG: If you lose beyond your goal, should you stop?

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It's been almost six months post-hcg. Six months of maintenance.

As some of you already know, with hcg I lost more than my intended goal. In fact, the hcg protocol was so effective that even without the injections, the knowledge I'd gained from the protocol helped me to continue to lose weight. If this part of my life were set to music, something brightly staccato-cheerful would play--at double-speed. Whirling, whizzing, joyful; annoying to anyone else not sharing the crazy high. Perhaps that was the issue?

In any case, at 104/5 the music turned a bit sour for and from those in my circle. So, I stopped trying to lose weight and I put the weight back on.
And on.
And on.
And on. And ... oh ... If I could divorce my scale, I would. It's abusive.

So, I'm nearly back to my original weight, minus a mere handful of pounds.

Don't worry. Before you start casting yourself in my role, I have to throw in this bit of information: You have to work HARD at gaining it all back. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen with one slip-up or two or three or even four. Gaining all of 'this' takes time and concerted effort. This weight required excessive OVER eating. I don't mean eating until you are stuffed with good stuff; I mean, eating all the most toxic foods/drinks in **dinosaur** portions.

Now you understand the 'how', but the 'why'?

At first, I didn't want to appear obsessed or mentally/physically sick and I gained weight to ease the rumors. Sadly, the 'gain' slipped into something else. Something very familiar. Ah, food. Comfort. Obsession.

Minus a short hiatus, I am back to having an affair on my husband--with food.
Food preoccupies my thoughts. I think about food all the time. I can't wait to see and be with food. When I'm with food, I feel wonderful and alive--and then, when food is gone, I'm filled with guilt and shame. I manipulate and orchestrate the most ridiculous excuses/reasons to be with food. Whenever my mind wonders, it seeks out memories and fantasies of food encounters. My husband need not fear the pool boy or our gardeners. But, the eggplant parm at the Italian bistro... well, that's another story.

In retrospect, I stopped losing weight for the wrong reasons. If I could time travel back to the 104/5-me, I'd tell her to stop for her reasons--and her's alone.

Cassy, to answer your question: I was ridiculously happy at 104/5. Ridiculous. Asylum-laughter-ridiculous.

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Updated March 5th, 2011 at 01:21 PM by fivetwoandahalf

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  1. Catthai's Avatar
    "After HCG: If you lose beyond your goal, should you stop?"

    That all depends on how realistic your goal was to begin with. When we sign up for a ticker we have to add a goal. I did put a goal, but I don't know where I want my weight to settle so I actually won't know for sure until I get there.

    As for the rest - if you felt healthy with your lowest weight, and if it was a good weight for you, then there are a couple of obvious things to do (but I'm sure you know these already).

    Learn how to deal with criticism.
    Switch to a more supportive circle of friends/acquaintances.
    But most of all, sort out why you keep going to extremes.

    Losing weight: "brightly staccato-cheerful would play--at double-speed. Whirling, whizzing, joyful"

    Gaining weight: "feel wonderful and alive--and then, when food is gone, I'm filled with guilt and shame. I manipulate and orchestrate the most ridiculous excuses/reasons to be with food. Whenever my mind wonders, it seeks out memories and fantasies of food encounters. Food is my 'go-to'."

    They are both engineered highs (even the dramatic lows are highs). So, are you bored with your life? When I'm bored I sometimes reach out the same (but I have different bad habits).
    Updated March 3rd, 2011 at 02:00 AM by Catthai
  2. Jamit30's Avatar
    Fivetwoandahalf,
    You are very interesting writer. Loved reading this. Thanks.
    Jami
  3. taptele's Avatar
    Oh no, just read this after commenting on your first blog post - before/after. This is sad and disappointing, but I'll try and not cast myself in your role, as you said. I'm even more inspired to commit. Since January I'd started eating health and exercising and I'd lost 4/5#. But since deciding to do HCG a week ago, I've been slacking off. It's so seductive - 3 months of eating right and exercising with 4# lost vs 30 days and potentially losing 15! But after reading this and other post-HCGers I now know even more firmly that it's a mental commitment, so I'll continue to exercise through the program (light exercise) just so as to continue to build my healthy habits.

    Thanks for your writing - it really is a pleasure to read. We'd all love an update I'm sure.
  4. taptele's Avatar
    Oh no, just read this after commenting on your first blog post - before/after. This is sad and disappointing, but I'll try and not cast myself in your role, as you said. I'm even more inspired to commit. Since January I'd started eating health and exercising and I'd lost 4/5#. But since deciding to do HCG a week ago, I've been slacking off. It's so seductive - 3 months of eating right and exercising with 4# lost vs 30 days and potentially losing 15! But after reading this and other post-HCGers I now know even more firmly that it's a mental commitment, so I'll continue to exercise through the program (light exercise) just so as to continue to build my healthy habits.

    Thanks for your writing - it really is a pleasure to read. We'd all love an update I'm sure.