Journey to ONEderland . .

Blogging has been a way for me to journal the journey, keep myself on track, be accountable, get advice and maybe help someone else while talking about my journey. I dropped the ball while struggling to maintain stability in my whole life. P3 is always rough for me but it had been getting a lot better. Throw life into the mix and disaster feels like it is raining down on your head. Being stressed and depressed feels like you really are walking around with a cloud over your head and the cloud just gets darker and heavier and just weighs you down physically, emotionally and mentally. It just messes with your head and your thoughts and you just have to find strength and FOCUS to find your way out from under that huge cloud by whatever means necessary . . . It took a lot of crying, praying and plain old perseverance because it is a lot of work. Thank God, the rains fell and the winds came and blew away that cloud from over my head and I can see and feel the light of day on me so I can find my way out of this struggle.

When your life is in a spiral down into a dark place or it just feels like you are not in control it takes a whole lotta woman to hang in there and not crumble under the pressure. How I normally deal with stress/anger/pain/trials is to FEED it in a major way and then gain a TON of weight . . . . worry over that and then feed the worry with more food which only makes the whole situation worse.

I recently decided that I was going to cycle my rounds until I get to my goal weight so I did 2 weeks and then could not start the next cycle for various reasons . . . . I cannot tell you how horrible it is to stabilize after doing only 2 weeks of shots without cycling back in. Add my stressful life to the mix and it is a disaster. I keep gaining and doing a LOT of Steak Days and corrections to get back down . . . . I simply refused to give up or give up.

I have gained a lot of insight into who I am and what I can handle since I began taking hcg. Even though I am struggling in a major way it seems, I am still keeping the dreaded weight off, staying strong in the fight and striving for BALANCE. Trying to balance my meals (considering how much I hate veggies and salads . . . my Mom now makes a large bowl of salad for me and leaves it in the fridge because I go nom-nom on that faster and a lot easier than if I made my own . . . thank God for my mother!!)

So this is just to update you on what has been going on in my life and in my head and why I have been so very quiet, but I will be coming back.