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jenniferphang

I can do it

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12/18/2011 Sunday 9:48PM

So this is "kinda" like the second round for my HCG journey. I said kinda, because i stopped halfway through my first round, and gained most weight back. This time, i promise myself, BE STRONG, IT MUST WORK THIS TIME.

In my first round, i was doing great, losing 7 pounds in a week, feeling great and confident, before i started to cheat. I attended a great friend's birthday celebration, and that's when my resolve subsided. I nibbled on some cheese, then grabbed some chips, then some tuna with mayonnaise, and before i knew it, i was having a food feast by myself.

That is my problem. I always will crave for more, once i have a little. In Dr. Simeons' "Pounds and Inches," he described people with compulsive eating disorder as "They only feel a feral desire to stuff. Two pounds of chocolates may be devoured in a few minutes; cold, greasy food from the refrigerator, stale bread, leftovers on stacked plates, almost anything edible is crammed down with terrifying speed and ferocity." This was not born though as far as i am concerned. I was eating perfectly fine before i migrated to the US a few years ago, and that's when i started to have a strong desire for food. I ate every time i saw food-i ate my friends' leftovers-i craved for food, even if i was not hungry. I ate food fast as well, and thus, really i would have no problem in eating a whole bar of chocolate in 5 minutes. Within 2 years, I've gained 17 pounds. I am a small-framed Asian, and the 17 pounds really did make the weight gain pretty obvious.

I also fall into the category of reluctance to lose weight, "They fear that people will like them - or be jealous - on account of their figure rather than be attracted by their intelligence or character only. Some have a feeling that reducing means giving up an almost cherished and intimate part of themselves." My workplace requires everyone to toughen up, and i think i subconsciously need to look like a man, to be successful. I don't know haha. One thing i can be sure of though, was i would feel bad for my body if it couldn't get what it craved for.

This time, this "pseudo-second-round," i promised myself that I NEED TO NAIL IT. I was tired of staying at the same weight. I was tired of my stout body. I was tired of having to shop for bigger size apparel. I wanted to be confident moving around in front of my colleagues when i did presentations. I was tired of being mediocre. I wanted to be hot. Why settle for the normal, when you can be great, right? I know i would have a new life if i could shed those must disgusted 17 pounds. I wanted to be slim, i wanted a new life. I wanted to do it RIGHT NOW, once and for all.

I believe, if everyone wants to do something, no one, can ever stop him. The same applies to all of us in this HCG journey. We need to be strong mentally. As what I've mentioned, my biggest problem was i craved for food even if i didn't need it and i felt bad for my body that it couldn't get what it wanted. NOW, i am going to tell myself: LOVE YOUR BODY-IT HAS DONE A PRETTY DAMN GOOD JOB IN CARRYING OUT ITS DAILY FUNCTIONS-IT DOESN'T DESERVE ALL THE BAD FOOD THAT YOU BROUGHT INTO IT! LOVE YOUR NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE, LOVE YOUR NEW LIFE.


I've found great resources on this forum, and for that i cannot say thank you enough. One place that i particularly like, is this: Tough Love for Potential Cheats -there are some quotes that i need to remind myself of constantly as well:

"It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Giving up heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You won’t get any coddling, and you won’t get any sympathy for your “struggles”. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE not to complete the program as written. It’s only thirty days, and it’s for the most important cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime."

"That doesn't mean I don't want the cookies I just bought for my son's birthday party at school tomorrow but I want this more... this weight loss, this feeling great that I get from eating clean, this clarity of mind that has come with this diet!"


Word. I will be a terribly cheap human being if i wanted junk and poison for my body that has worked so hard to sustain me. I will be a terribly cheap person if i call "dieting" hard because there are people out there who carve a fantastic life by themselves even if they have disabled. There are brave and tough people out there who fight hard against cancer, who will want to survive until the last day despite of their terribly chronic, and painful illness. There are people who are disadvantaged, without enough food to eat, but have a big heart to be successful, and change people's lives. Thus, who am i, to call "dieting" hard?? It is not hard, it is freaking easy.

I wrote this blog, so that everyone will know that i have made this promise to myself. I value my pride highly, and thus, I.CANNOT.FAIL because,people are watching. I'LL NAIL IT.

I am attaching a picture of myself. Can't wait to upload the "after" picture.
Sigh, right now, i really hate this stout build pic of me.


1.jpg

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