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kapluzie

new beginnings

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I started out on a weight loss journey about 5 years ago. A friend had turned me on to HCG. At the time, I felt desperate. I had tried weight watchers (and successfully lost weight but plateaued at a size 14). Over the years, I had tried so many diets and life journeys to get the weight off and maintain. I always lost weight on those plans. I was able to stick with the plan to lose some type of weight but as soon as I applied the diets guidelines to my maintenance phase- I would gain everything back. As long as I ate their foods or cooked their recipes, I would lose. But the minute I would apply their guidelines of fats, carbs, proteins, calories, macro, micro, etc .... to making my own recipes... I would gain. Now I never deviated from their guidelines. But for some reason, I would gain. When I sought out help, I was told-- I must have cheated. I would be dumbfounded. As I did not cheat. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't maintain.

Before beginning HCG, I had some concerns. Would I be able to keep up with my 3 active sons? Would I be starving? What are the short and long term side effects? Would I be able to maintain my losses? I researched on the web about hcg and its effects. The only thing I found was that the low calorie part (p2) was too low. That's it!! I decided that I would give it a try. I informed my doctor that I would be going on this plan and got some initial bloodwork done. I wanted to compare before and after bloodwork.
My first round was amazing. I lost 22 pounds and I gained back 5 in P3 but then stabilized. Looking back, I think I gained back because I didn't know proper quantities. I ate whole foods and followed the no sugar/ no starch rule. I was completely sold! And from then on, my journey continued. As I got closer to my original goal, I began to expect more. I wanted the dream. The dream of putting on any clothing item and not worrying if it accented my bad body parts. After 2 years of working hard and staying focused, I finally reached my goal. Actually, I surpassed it. Once I got down, I was thrilled like I had never been before. YES!! I was finally able to wear any piece of clothing that I wanted including a bikini. I felt good. But maintenance was impossible. I found that at such a low weight, I could no longer go out to eat, drink, or partake in pretty much anything that had to do with food. I tried everything to incorporate a good eating plan into my life. But maintenance was not to be had.
I gained about 12 pounds, but I was ok with that. Then the boom lowered. I won't go into boring details... but my life was turned upside down. Both physically and emotionally. I abandoned my eating plan and emotionally ate.... and ate... and ate.
I knew what I was doing. But I just couldn't get myself to stop. It's taken a long time for me to clear my head and get back on track. I gained everything back. And I am disgusted when I see pictures of myself now. I am baffled of how I could let myself return to this. I had reached my goal!!
Moving forward, I have begun to meditate to reduce my anxiety and learn to give myself the time I need to take care of me. I started another round last week. So far, I am going strong. I have been asked to go out for dinner and drinks 3 times in this past week-- but have refrained. I guess that will always be a dilemma for me.

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