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katerinavsharp

Round 4 VLCD 8: Starting Over Sort-Of

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Round 4 VLCD 8: Starting Over Sort-Of

So, today is VLCD 8 of Round 4. I have had a very successful HCG journey. I am amazed at the transformation in my health, body, and life that I have observed in the past year. I have lost 130 pounds. Well, as of today, I have lost a net of 126 pounds. Yes, there is a story behind that.

I have mentioned in at least one post on the forum that I am a glutton. It’s true – ugly, but true. I come from a family of big eaters. I have been told by my parents, dad especially, that I needed to eat more at buffets to “get my money’s worth.” I ate more. It made him happy. Making him happy made me happy. If you did not eat “enough” at family dinners, everyone acted like it was a personal jab at them. So I ate more. And more. And more. And more……

I thought I had gotten rid of this. …These demons. I thought I had finally healed…healed from the years of programmed overeating…healed from the obsessive gluttony…healed from emotional eating…

I learned different.

Round 1’s stabilization was easy. I maintained my LIW until loading of Round 2. Round 2’s stabilization was very hard. Steak days were my worst enemy. I would fast the day away during Round 2 Phase 2 only to have my stomach turn at the thought of a steak. Round 3’s stabilization was, once again, wonderful and simple. I already knew my food sensitivities. (I retested foods just the same.) I stabilized very quickly and very well, even in the midst of a personal crisis and major stress.

However, very big however, Round 3 Phase 4 was bad. Between my LIW and the beginning of Round 4 (Round 4 VLCD 1 specifically), I gained 21 pounds. I went from my LIW of 167 to 174. I really seemed to stabilize at 174, and I was pretty OK with that. Then the week before Easter, the very last week of Phase 4 before I started a new round of HCG, I really let myself go. I ate. I ate sugars, flours, carbs, fast food, processed food… You name it, I ate it. In that week I went from 174 to 180. Loading day 1 (morning weight), I weighed 180. Loading day 2 (morning weight), I weighed 185. VLCD 1, I weighed 188.

I about died!!! I had undone ALL the work from Round 3. The emotions and shame from allowing all this to happen still weighs terribly heavy on me. I ended Round 3 twelve (12) pounds from my goal weight. But, because of my own laziness, and because of my lack of self-control, I was having a major redo. I just hope I learn from this.

I am not saying the HCG Protocol does not work. I really believe it does work. …Possibly more today than ever. The HCG Protocol has been a miracle for me.

You see, today, I am at 170. So, in one week I have lost the gains of my gluttony. Really, if I did not see the scale every day, I would not believe it myself. My daily stats are below.

March 30, Loading day 1, Weight 180.0
March 31, Loading day 2, Weight 185.0
April 1, VLCD 1, Weight 188.4…Talk about an April Fool…
April 2, VLCD 2, Weight 182.8…Down 5.6
April 3, VLCD 3, Weight 177.8…Down 5.0
April 4, VLCD 4, Weight 174.8…Down 3.0
April 5, VLCD 5, Weight 174.6…Down 0.20
April 6, VLCD 6, Weight 172.8…Down 1.8
April 7, VLCD 7, Weight 171.4…Down 1.4
April 8, VLCD 8, Weight 170.6…Down 0.8

There are a couple thoughts that come to mind when looking at this data…
1. GOSH OH GOSH, I am thankful that this has come off nearly as quickly and as easily as I put it on....nearly.
2. I have gluttonous tendencies that I still need to work on. MAJORLY. I am re-reading the book, Weight Loss Apocalypse because of this.
3. I believe, I mean I KNOW what Grammy and others talk about as far as food sensitivities it TRUE. I mean, what else explains my huge gains and then very fast losses upon starting Phase 2 and eating clean.
4. I believe that my goal weight is within reach…quite possibly with this round. Further, I really DO NOT want to have a cycle of GAIN and then HCG Round ?? to lose the gains. I want this to be my last.
5. I feel like my last 2 to 3 weeks would make people decide to NOT do the HCG Protocol. It makes me sad. Not because I want everyone to do this to loose weight, but because I feel like I have failed those who are watching me. I have many many people asking me to help then, consult them, get them going in the right direction. I mean, I did go from a 3X shirt and a 24 pant to a Large shirt and 8/10 pant…I am the expert right?? I know it all right? Gosh, I feel like I know nothing. How am I supposed to support and ‘coach’ someone else when I cannot stabilize myself???... How can I tell others to CONTROL their need for food, when I cannot control my own?...

There is so much…

I know you are probably reading this thinking, “gosh, she is having a poopy-pity-party.”

I am… And, I am not. I want to learn from this. And, really, I am very thankful. Thankful that this protocol is what it is. I am thankful that this protocol works. I am thankful that I am 3 pounds away from my LIW from Round 3 and will soon be plowing new ground.

Nowhere in the HCG Protocol does it say you can go back to eating the way you did before and not gain any weight. Pounds & Inches does not say ‘lose the weight, eat any way you want, and never gain again.’ It does not. What it does say is that you have a method…a tool…to overcome your weight problem and stabilize…And, then you will be able to eat as a ‘normal’ person without the gains that may have been so prevalent before the protocol.

Eat like a normal person. …Today, I am trying to learn what that means.

Thank you all for reading. I hope everyone is releasing lots of fat and not hungry at all. Have a great day.

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Comments

  1. pookster's Avatar
    Great post! Thank you for sharing your journey and experiences. I just loaded for R2 and gained 10 pounds...so its safe to say I am sensitive to sugar!! I just told my friends that I plan to be a P3/P4 lifer.. I truly believe that I cannot go back to eating the crap I used to eat...and loading with it proved it.
  2. Rabo's Avatar
    I, for one, do not feel like you are having a poopy pity party (I'm the one having the poopy pity party!). I'm so grateful for your honest sharing. It will help so many people know that even the perceived experts at losing with Hcg have to live it and work at it each day. It is a miracle. But maintaining the loss is where the miracle ends and the work begins, I believe.

    Listen, even someone relatively "small" struggles like those who have more weight to lose. I love to eat. I have a hearty, huge appetite. I can relate to so much of what you wrote and I sincerely appreciate you sharing it with us.

    I hope you continue to blog...
  3. yep yep I can's Avatar
    I don't think this is a pitty party... I think like your weight you are releasing/losing all the stress and disappointment you feel to start this round and go out with a bang! It's like you were saying you have to learn to eat "normal"... who really knows what that means, but we're all here to find it and stick to it. Your losses so far have been amazing! I am very happy for you and you realizing the flaws is only going to help you get past this and truly succeed. You are an "expert" not only because you lost the weight, but because you go through times like this and make it though... sure anyone can lose the weight and tell people how, but you can and have experienced the emotional aspect of it and can help with the depressed, stressful and empty feelings. Thank you for this post and I wish you all the losses you can get this round. Very touching.
  4. katerinavsharp's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by pookster
    Great post! Thank you for sharing your journey and experiences. I just loaded for R2 and gained 10 pounds...so its safe to say I am sensitive to sugar!! I just told my friends that I plan to be a P3/P4 lifer.. I truly believe that I cannot go back to eating the crap I used to eat...and loading with it proved it.
    Totally agree. If I eat crap, I feel like crap, and I gain. YUCK! Hopefully your loading gains will come off QUICKLY!
  5. katerinavsharp's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Rabo
    I, for one, do not feel like you are having a poopy pity party (I'm the one having the poopy pity party!). I'm so grateful for your honest sharing. It will help so many people know that even the perceived experts at losing with Hcg have to live it and work at it each day. It is a miracle. But maintaining the loss is where the miracle ends and the work begins, I believe.

    Listen, even someone relatively "small" struggles like those who have more weight to lose. I love to eat. I have a hearty, huge appetite. I can relate to so much of what you wrote and I sincerely appreciate you sharing it with us.

    I hope you continue to blog...
    Thank you for your kind words! Maintaining the loss is absolutely where the work begins. And it is the most scary in my opinion.
  6. katerinavsharp's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by yep yep I can
    I don't think this is a pitty party... I think like your weight you are releasing/losing all the stress and disappointment you feel to start this round and go out with a bang! It's like you were saying you have to learn to eat "normal"... who really knows what that means, but we're all here to find it and stick to it. Your losses so far have been amazing! I am very happy for you and you realizing the flaws is only going to help you get past this and truly succeed. You are an "expert" not only because you lost the weight, but because you go through times like this and make it though... sure anyone can lose the weight and tell people how, but you can and have experienced the emotional aspect of it and can help with the depressed, stressful and empty feelings. Thank you for this post and I wish you all the losses you can get this round. Very touching.
    I read in a book once, "Normal is just a setting on a dish washer." I like that. You are right...who know what normal means? Thank you so much for your supportive words. I appreciate the reply.
  7. Miche's Avatar
    WOW! Katerina you are amazing! 126-130 lbs? No small feat.... The best thing is you know who you are and what you can do. Many go through a lifetime never ever figuring that out. I understand your appetite issues. My husband comes from a family that used food as comfort and acceptance. He has a voracious appetite but being male, he is able to work it off as he wants. People have just sat and watched him eat. It's quite a sight. His name is on the board at that Texas steakhouse in Amarillo where you have to eat a 72 oz. steak among other things in an hour.... Lucky for him he is active and hyper!

    His sister, not so much. She too can put it away but has no exit strategy. I have tried to get her doctors appointments and have even offered to pay for her to get on HCG protocol. She is so scared that it would only add insult to injury and she will reset her hypothalamus the wrong way....
    She can't commit to a short round because she has no control... Her words, not mine!
    Thank you for sharing your story.... I am going to show it to her! Your honesty and and triumphs are amazing.....
  8. Rabo's Avatar
    Miche, I could give your husband a run for his money. Voracious. That's me. I am hungry a lot (thankfully not so much today because of hcg - fingers crossed I've got the dose right this time).

    OK, so last week, I weighed 126.1 pounds. Today I weighed 137.4 after my loading. Crazy, huh? Back to my point, the beautiful Katerina lost one of me from last week. AMAZING!!!! BRAVO!!!!
  9. Miche's Avatar
    You are making me laugh.... From you chai tea avoidance to all your funny comments! You are going to lose that load weight.... I gained around 4 when I loaded and freaked out! That was the very reason I did not do round 2 till I freaking stabilized for (count them) 5 months.... I wanted to be extra sure my body was "stable". Obviously protocol does not call for that!!!!! Anyway, after day 1 on low cal food... I lost all and then some....
    This is why I have such faith that you guys will be excited tomorrow! Can't wait.....
  10. katerinavsharp's Avatar
    Thank you all for the replies and supportive comments. I appreciate each and every one of you.
  11. natieya's Avatar
    Wow. When you said "I have mentioned in at least one post on the forum that I am a glutton. It’s true – ugly, but true. I come from a family of big eaters. I have been told by my parents, dad especially, that I needed to eat more at buffets to “get my money’s worth.” I ate more. It made him happy. Making him happy made me happy. If you did not eat “enough” at family dinners, everyone acted like it was a personal jab at them. So I ate more. And more. And more. And more……" it sounded like you were describing me and my family.

    I was a cute size 10 when I moved in with my grandmother to start college. She was the type who insisted I ate, even when I wasn't hungry. So, to avoid arguments with her, I ate. I graduated being a plus sized, unhappy person. I will, God willing, never shop in Lane Bryant or be able to fit their clothes after this round.

    I know family means well, but boy, they really can sabotage a person. It doesn't help that she's naturally thin but her cooking has made all her children and grandchildren overweight and have all sorts of health problems. Soul food should be named something like "Sick Food."

    Ok, I'g getting down off my soapbox now.