Popular Pages :

View RSS Feed

Undersize Me... My Hcg Journey

The Identity Crisis

Rate this Entry
weigh-in: 123.8

Random thoughts:

I'm feeling a bit disingenuous. I'm not really sure I belong here; I don't fit the box of good Hcg dieter, don't follow protocol, cheat constantly and doubt the regime's efficacy. I feel like an Hcg fake.

What I do like is the feeling of being committed to a specific, simple program, the accountability, the camaraderie, and being able to blog about all this.

Is that enough? Well, what's the harm in being on Hcg? Nothing, except to the wallet, I suppose. Oh, yeah... the limitations of the diet... that's a big one. Too, it's harder on your exercise stamina. One thing that's struck me is how my body is reacting to my intake of food these past few days. It started Wednesday, when a friend, and recent widow, stopped over and we served some chips/dips/pretzels. (This was impromptu hosting -- no time to make Hcg-friendly food). Then, my son got sick and I had to make chicken soup (Italian style with the orzo). Then, my girls went to a sleepover, and I was assigned cupcakes...

While I *have* been cheating for the past 3 weeks, I haven't had much, if any, wheat/gluten or dairy -- except for Wednesday through today. (TMI ALERT) I have had gas pains and other problems. Has my avoidance of these things created a sensitivity? Has it always been there? Maybe it's completely unrelated to the recent gluten/dairy ingestion...

I'm thinking I need to find out about this; maybe I should cut out the gluten/dairy stuff and see if I improve.

In short, I think I need to get my act in gear. Part of the problem is that I am incredibly busy right now: homeschooling preparation for the semester, writing class preparation, spearheading the design and labor needed for landscaping the yard/front, continue working on the renovation of our house, be wife/mom...

I eat when I'm stressed, but then I feel bad, then I have guilt to deal with... If I'm honest with myself I think that this program *could* work, and that I'd feel really great and probably better equipped to deal with stress/problems. For some reason, when I'm closer to my ideal weight and all the clothes fit, and I look good, life goes more smoothly. So, what's a girl to do? I really need to commit to the program and follow it. It sounds simple, but it's so hard to do within a family -- especially when one's kids are around all the time...

Uggh... the pool party is tomorrow... let's hope it's chilly and I don't need to be around anyone in a bathing suit...

Submit "The Identity Crisis" to Digg Submit "The Identity Crisis" to del.icio.us Submit "The Identity Crisis" to StumbleUpon Submit "The Identity Crisis" to Google


  1. Espressowhip's Avatar
    If you feel supported, then you belong here. Don't forget your value of supporting others! You know how valuable a few kind words are (even from a skinny-mini like you)!

    I found out I was allergic to wheat when I went OFF Atkins. I was totally sick, like a hangover - it was that bad, and upon further examination found myself telling the doctor how sick I get with bread and pasta, and voila... it's an allergy! I was 42 and didn't know I had a food allergy! Holy ignoramous Batman! It's probably been there my whole life! My life quality has improved now that I know to avoid certain foods. There's plenty more to food than bread and pasta (although it didn't seem so at first). It doesn't mean I never eat bread or pasta, it just means I limit myself, and the only time I eat it is when it's really amazing quality stuff only a half-dead-fool would pass up! And I know that when I eat it there is a risk of not feeling 100% for a day or two after. What I want to say in not so many words is; a suspected reaction to food is totally worth looking into!

    P2 is brutal!

    Why don't you just jump into P3 and see how that works for you? P3 is a perfectly acceptable diet that you can loose weight on. P2 is for extreme and quick reduction plan... P3 is for normal levels of dieting including reduction. I think at your size you are allowed to work your way through P3 - whereas (at your size) P2 is splitting hairs -not that there's anything wrong with splitting hairs at your size, but it seems to be driving you a little bonkers! Don't go bonkers bunny...transition to P3 and see how that works for you. You can always go back to P2 when you are ready and feel properly motivated, but don't drive yourself crazy trying to do something you aren't ready to do!

    I take it from your recommendation on my blog that you value words onna page. Based on what you've written here, about your desire to change contradicts your ability/willingness to commit, I'd like to recommend a book to you. It's called, "The Easy Weigh to Loose Weight", by Alan Carr. There is NO diet program associated with this book. In fact, the message is painfully simple and when you first start reading it you'll think it's a crock and the author is high on something you'd very much like to try on a weekend when the kids are away. There is no easy way, and the book acknowledges this right off - but what the book relies on is; the meditative state one gets into when reading.

    It's repetitive, and at times that repetition annoyed me, but this guy has cured millions of their smoking addiction with this self-hypnotic style of writing, so there's something to it! You don't have to believe everything he says (I didn't buy but a fraction of his logic), rather I recommend reading it when you are calm, and relaxed. I recommend it because I thought it was B.S.- and THEN... I didn't eat chocolate for 2 years!

    The very thought of eating chocolate ignited my gag reflex. I'm not at all joking! I thought dairy was of the devil, and as a former Baskin-Robbins Gold Membership card holder, I could hardly believe myself. This guy has a way of working on your subconscious in the most positive way, and if you need a little extra push - this might do it for you, too.

    But be careful, you might become a food Nazi. I almost did, but I learned to zip-it before offending anyone with the mantra from the book.

    I have since gone back to enjoying chocolate, but in such small quantities and so infrequently...it's just sick and wrong - the casual observer might think I didn't like chocolate at all! But I do, I swear I do...I'm not abnormal! I just don't want to "poison" my body with such toxic, processed crap. .. .. ... see?! Freakish, right?

    Try the book! It's small, and 'used' on amazon it's cheap... you've got nothing to loose but the desire to eat food which sabotages your desire to be at your ideal weight!

    Have a lovely time pool side, and eat sauces and dips and whatever else is necessary for such social events! Then get your skinny butt-insky back here to indulge in more motivation, both giving and receiving!

    Enjoy yourself!
  2. CrittleBug's Avatar
    It happens to us all. We get stressed out and we eat. That's been all of our comforts and that's why were all here. I have a family and 4 kids and I know how hard it can be when your busy and when you giving your kids snacks and can't have any. It sux! I cook dinner every night and can't have any. I have a 1 year old daughter who I have to feed all the time and it's really hard to have all that good food right in your face and not be able to eat it. So I really do understand where your coming from. There's 2 ways to look at it.... Either your really unhappy with your body and you've just gotta buckle down and stick to it and get where you want to be. Or maybe subconsciously you do like your body and you should just learn to except that. I know everyone thinks that their body could be better, but your not big. I wish I was your size! But it only matters what we think of ourselves! So you need to figure out what you want. If you want to be littler than put your mind to it. You can do it as long as you want it. Just make sure it's for you and not for anybody else! But if you decide that you do like the way you are, then embrace that and don't let anybody change your mind! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how anyone else looks. As long as your happy with yourself and the way you look that's all that matters! I really hope you figure it out. If you need anything, want to chat, or just need some support I'm here. You can email me anytime. Good Luck
  3. Laurarosee's Avatar
    Hang in there. I too felt like throwing in the towel this week. Stalls and busy days where it was very hard to find anything protocol as I was running from here to there and getting sugar OD'd on Nyquil of all things. If you really truly feel like your body is too big for your liking and are unhappy with it then stick with it. Or as expresso says move on to P3 and allow yourself some breathing room and weight loss there. I get our issues and with kids and visitors and work and running around, P2 is a tough protocol to stay with, even when youb really, really want to. We're here when you feel like griping. Good Luck!!!
  4. MominCali's Avatar
    Thanks, girls, for taking the time to read and respond to my rants!

    I think you all make good points: I *really* want to be my '07 weight (115lbs), but I'm not really miserable where I am, either. Like many things, dissatisfaction is multi-faceted and complex. Are there other things in my life I'd like to change? Yes! Is losing 8 pounds the most pressing issue? No. But, it's the one I can control the most. It's the most attainable. Maybe there's a part of me that thinks that if I at least check off the "attained '07 weight" box on my list that the others won't look so daunting. Maybe I'm kidding myself!
    Esspressowhip had a great idea about moving into P3 -- it's a lot like South Beach, which I've found healthy and doable; it's also like the Body For Life plan. The exercise part of the latter I still use, years later. She also questioned my commitment (rightly so), so I need to examine why I eat outside of the protocol. If I want to lose weight, and the protocol will get me there (I have no doubt), why am I not doing it? If I'm honest with myself, it's because I really like food, and I don't like denying myself. I'd rather run miles every day than give up a cookie. But, at this point in my life, at 41, I can't just exercise excess weight away. The silver lining in all this is that I think, from the avoidance I did manage in P2, I found some food sensitivities. This will make it all the easier to avoid these substances in P3. I've also been toying with the idea of being a pescatarian for health reasons, not because I think meat is wrong... maybe make one change at a time!
    Laura is right -- P2 is a hard program to do with kids and summer activities; come to think of it, it never sounds easy, any other time either!
    Thanks, ladies! You're all gems!
    xoxo Best luck in this next week!
    Here we go again!
  5. alouise26's Avatar
    This protocol is a huge challenge no matter who you are. I am a parent as well, and it's definitely hard to follow this protocol in conjunction with children, husband and life in general. I totally understand feeling dissatisfied with one's body. I could even make a stretch and say I have some disgust for my body(however to a lesser extent since releasing nearly 100 lbs). However, is it the number you are after? 115lbs? Or health? or.....8 pounds to loose isn't much, that could be why this program is especially challenging for you. When you have less to loose, it goes slower and is also more challenging. You are so close and probably even in the range of a healthy weight for your height. I am not trying to discourage you from the protocol, but maybe it's not for you? I have read a few of your blog posts and it seems like you are a very physically active person and a relatively healthy eater. Since you do have such a little amount to loose, my instinct tells me that you should continue your running and activities and maybe try to just reduce the amount of calories required for your height and weight by about 500-600/day and you will get there before you know it. You will feel more satisfied by eating more food and hopefully let go of the guilt you might be experiencing from not being able to follow the hcg protocol. Nevertheless, I enjoy your posts and your determination is inspiring!
  6. MominCali's Avatar
    Alouise26 - You lost 100 lbs? I am in awe. Fantastic job! I can't imagine the amount of dedication that takes. Also, I agree with you. Those "last 10 lbs are the hardest" is an adage for good reason; it's true! I'm not sure why I want 115. Actually, I'd like 110, but at that point, I start losing boobs and my jaws look too thin. I guess I'd like to just be able to fit into my clothes lurking in the back of the closet. They've been haunting me for a few years...

    I'm going into P3 tomorrow. Breakfast will be some kind of egg, snacks will be fruit and/or nuts, and lunch and dinner will be salad with a protein (and whatever dressing I like, no sugar, though). That is a totally reasonable diet, and if I stick to it faithfully I should reach my goal within the next 2(ish)weeks.