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Seeds Planted

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The napkins were from D’s birthday party, an event at my home several years back. They had made their way from storage to counter, available for use. The green napkins were a delightful reminder of a wonderful evening with friends. It was the last time I could recall really feeling like myself.

“You can’t make everyone happy, so concentrate on me” was a slogan meant to say “I’m the birthday girl, and I love it, it’s my night.” Tonight, that slogan had just as much to say, but to a whole new perspective. A personal perspective. A conversation conducted with the unconscious. And sometimes those conversations have, even, been most conscious.

This protocol has required me to become extremely disciplined in an aspect of my life lived very haphazardly. I ate what I wanted, indulged and savored. And watched the people around me stay the same size, very thin. My body was trying to tell me. I ate to drown the warnings, the nagging. I ate at the same time for my conscious worries, for relationship issues and parenting issues and financial issues. Following the diet as described in Pounds and Inches made me examine all those facets of life coming at me.

Every action has a reaction, and my emotional health seems to be going through a cleansing of its own. I’m drawn to mind clearing and soul loving meditations. My spirit needed the same sort of realignment that my physical body needed. Before I could be of good to anyone else, I’ve needed to go on a journey of my own.

I enjoy the solitude of P2. Friends and family give a bit of safe space. We always meet up over food at some point, and they are all gracious to help me avoid temptation. Yet, I find I covet this time somewhat isolated, almost like a co****.

No one else can make me happy, I can make myself happy, so I will concentrate on me. This is my last round and I am more excited than ever to meet that woman. Her energy is core energy, and she is burning bright.

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Updated March 14th, 2011 at 07:54 PM by Paendora (formatting)



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