My HCG Journey by ParamedicMoo

Hey everyone! Coming at you from beautiful Portland, OR. By the way, if anyone is from Portland, maybe we can schedule a meetup if we both seem to get along
Anyways, so i've been reading things on this website for weeks in preparation for the diet and while I have been on it the last couple weeks. But had a sort of melt down this weekend and thought maybe i better register so that i could ask a few questions and get some encouragement.
I started the HCG diet on May 13th (my load days were the 13/14, first vlcd was the 15th). Gained 4 pounds during the load which made my starting weight 180 lb. (or do you use your preload weight for that? still not sure about that). This morning i weighed in at 166.8 after a 2.2 pound gain from a cheat yesterday while camping and possibly another gain tomorrow from the cheat this morning at the end of the trip. I am having a hard day. I can't say the cheat was really "planned" though i knew that i would most likely not be able to resist for an entire weekend while everyone around me was eating yummy stuff. I did my best the first day, actually lost 1.2 pounds the next day...and then danger struck. They made one of my favorite meals, and i just said to hell with it. I knew it would cost me, i had read everything else, but it was either sit there and look miserable or feel antisocial (i was not getting a ton of support from any of my friends who are all in the medical field and don't agree with the diet, especially seeing it there before their eyes) and so i just decided to deal with the few days it would cost me. And i thought I would be okay...until I wasn't. I cheated....and then i threw up as much of it as I could. TOLD YOU I WASN'T GOING TO HOLD ANYTHING BACK....I'm not asking for any sympathy, but if someone out there can feel like they are not crazy because they may have done the same thing, well there you have it. A medical professional that resorted to bulemia because i was so afraid of derailing myself on this diet....yet not having the willpower not to cheat in the first place.
I guess I more needed to tell someone than anything, and i can't tell my friends or family...goodness, i'm already getting as much flack as it is. I talked to one of the moderators and she answered a few questions for me so i'm feeling a little better but there you have it....
I have been skeptical about the diet since the beginning. I look at my body every day wondering if i'm seeing things, or if i am losing anything but muscle/water. Honestly, i think my own body image is so skewed i'm not sure i can tell. I am going on Wednesday to the gym to have my body fat % calculated and compare it to one i had done a few months ago (i was going to have one of those really specific tests done before i started but i couldn't find a place cheap enough). So we will see. If my body fat is the same or close to is as then, and i've lost over 15 pounds, then something is wrong...i guess i'll keep you posted. I'm not trying to be a hater....
But i am a medical professional and i've done a ton of research and so much of it says HCG doens't work...and then there are the thousands of people that would argue otherwise.
Not sure what to believe at this point.
What i'm really worried about today is how to work through this cheat, figure out why the hell someone who is fairly emotionally stable would do something so drastic (the throwing up), and figure out whether to stay on the diet or not. I'm REALLY worried by some of the posts that i have read about how hard it is to stabilize. This further worries me about the efficacy of the diet.
***if there is someone out there that is medically minded or could explain more of the science behind it, that might be helpful. I have read alot but don't understand all of it as it pertains to things i know to be true medically under normal circumstances...like ketosis for instance. ****
Anyways, just needed to talk i guess....hope you are all having a safe weekend out there!