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Dreaming of VLCD 1

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Well, it would seem that I have obsessed about this diet to the point that it has taken over my thoughts completely; even during sleep. The night between my last loading day and my first vlcd was riddled with abstractions, one in particular. It is a short one, but it seemed to run on a loop through my mind over and over.

I wake up in the morning with no apatite whatsoever. I go about my morning, taking my injection before my daughter wakes up. I’ve managed to put her breakfast together without so much is a hint of temptation to pop even a morsel into my mouth. Everything is serene.

My daughter wakes and paddles out to the kitchen barefooted with her silky princess nightgown on and greets me sweetly as she brushes long, curly, brown wisps of hair from her face. She asks me for a cookie. “a chocolate one…” she says, “with stripes” she finishes while drawing invisible stripes in the air.

I, for whatever reason say, “Sure Lovey” as I reach for the package of cookies that have appeared on the counter next to her breakfast. I open one end and fish out a cookie for her, and one for me. As I’m walking over to the trash bin to deposit the remainder of the package that I just opened, I pop the thing into my mouth whole. I’ve cracked it in half, chewed and swallowed part of it before I realize what I’ve done. I let out a muffled “Aaaaack” through what remains of the cookie in my mouth. I spit half an un-chewed cookie into my hand and begin to berate myself out loud. “Oh, my gosh! What have I DONE? I wasn’t even hungry. What would make me do such a thing? I’ve sabotaged myself already! Not 24 hours in and I've gone OFF PROTOCOL!!!”

My daughter sees my reaction to eating the cookie and quickly spits what is left of her mushy cookie out into her little hands as well looking at me all the while with a “Like this mommy?” expression. The dream ends. Then starts from the beginning a few minutes later.

What did you think I meant by “Dreaming of vlcd 1?” …that I was looking forward to it like some kind of nutcase?

-4.5 lbs after vlcd 1 Cheers!

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Comments

  1. Chocoholic's Avatar
    I feel your pain. I keep dreaming that I have messed up too. When I am asleep, I never seem to know what I can and can't eat. I say to myself, "it's ok, it healthy cereal and skim milk..." and after the first bites have been swallowed, I want to run to the toilet. It always so real. My boyfriend laughs at me when I tell him about my nightmares.