Losing Weight -- Gaining Life!

Oh look -- I'm right back where I started. And I'm not all that shocked by this outcome. I wish I could feign surprise, supply myself with valid excuses ... but that's not the case. I simply stopped trying. And if anyone thinks that weight-loss can be maintained without supreme, daily, effort -- they are deluding themselves.

I wasn't delusional.

I was just lazy.

I remember the first bad decision I made. October 13, 2015. Free Popcorn at the movie theatre.

What could it hurt? I ate a tub of the buttery/salty goodness and shrugged my shoulders the next morning when the scale had gone up 1/2#. Then it was Chinese food. I've always done okay with Chinese food. Just don't eat the rice, nothing breaded, and drink plenty of water to flush out the salt. Sure, it's not the cleanest of eating -- but it's a splurge. But that splurge wasn't enough for me. I also ate the rice. I also ate the Crab Rangoon. And so on, and so forth. Instead of a mild cheat meal once or twice a month, followed by a day of strict healthy eating -- I was having one a week without any penance the next day. And then a whole day each week. And then several days a week. And as the pounds packed back on -- my body decided that I didn't care enough to do something about it.

So October 2015 turned into December 2015 -- and I was up from my steady 195 to 215. Wowser, 20# in just over 2 months. Better lock it down. But not until after the Holidays. It only makes sense.

January 2016 came and went. Too many functions. Too many trips. Too little dedication to the cause.

By April 1st 2016, I was back up to 250#. TWO HUNDRED FIFTY.

And at this point, my brain joined my body and just said, "screw it". I ate what I wanted. I ate more than I wanted. I sometimes (oftentimes) felt completely sick. My clothes didn't fit. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. I kept thinking I would somehow get it out of my system. Ha. Like that's ever worked.

Finally in August 2016, I tipped the scales at 274.5# again. TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY FOUR.FIVE POUNDS. Just a few pounds shy of my original 2011 pre-hcg weight.

And so I started the journey that I'm all too familiar with. On August 8th, I started a 6 week Round of HCG (injections). I've lost count of how many Rounds I've actually completed since 2011. I got down to 242.6# -- and I stayed there. I was within 1-2 pounds over/under for weeks on end. It was fantastic. I still felt pretty crappy about my weight -- but I felt victorious knowing that I could, yet again, beat my food demon. And after 6 weeks of holding steady, I went back into my weight-loss center on November 14th and started another Round. I did gain a bit on my Loading Days (boo-hiss) -- and then I did a Planned Interruption for Thanksgiving Day (and it actually worked. I've never done one before.) -- and I'm back to losing this weight that I swore I'd never find again. I was at 230.2# this morning.

I can't wait to get back into my beloved size 14 clothes. All of those clothes that I begrudgingly wore when I was previously a size 14, wishing to be a size 12. I am learning to enjoy the moments. The glance in the mirror when I see a bit more cheekbone than was previously there. The spring in my step at the end of a 12 hour shift on my feet. The taste of healthy food, and the anticipation of those off-limit (but still healthy) post-HCG foods.

I wish I could bottle the true despair that I felt from Nov 2015 - Aug 2016. A small dose of that in times of temptation could certainly choke out the food-lust. But in lieu of that, I will have to develop better discipline than I've had in the past. And I'll have to accept the fact that I may not always win each battle but -- if I keep at it -- I can still win the war.