Losing Weight -- Gaining Life!

I never thought I'd be a human yo-yo. All though my childhood; I watched my Dad balloon up to 300# and then drop to a 160# (looking like a survivor of a work camp)... and then do it all over again.

"I would rather just be fat than go through that misery.", I remember thinking to myself.

And so I was fat... all through my teens and my 20's... and I did very little to try and remedy the situation.

But here I am. I finally found a great way to lose the weight. I was basically 100# down from my top weight. I was enjoying life and looking forward to losing even more weight... but I let emotions, laziness, and self-defeat get in the way.

I have been tempted to sit down and add up all of the weight that I have "lost" over the past 2 years since I started this journey. Calculating each days loss, not including the gain backs, and see how much weight I've struggled to remove from my body... only to put a lot of it back on. I know the answer is most likely near 200#, if not over. I think about the fact that this last 30# I have lost on this last Round could have been a 30# loss from my best LIW. I could weigh less than 140# right now if I had kept at it. That is amazing. I don't think I weighed less than 140# in Jr. High.

But that kind of thinking only serves to make me feel defeated. It would be dangerous to try and forget these lessons altogether. I have to keep it in the back of my mind: as a reminder, a painful memory, a cautionary tale... but I can't dwell on it.

What I can dwell on is how much better I already feel. I can move more freely. I am more effective at my job. I can fit back into some of my super cute clothes. I recognize my face in the mirror in a good way, not in a haunted way.

I'm still over 200 pounds. I thought that I would never see that number on the scale again, let alone surpass it by 40# again... but if I remain diligent; I should be back to one-derland again soon. To see that "1" at the beginning of my weight again will be a beautiful thing... but not nearly as beautiful as the feeling that I am in in control of my life, my health, my future.

I can do this... again.