Losing Weight -- Gaining Life!

I jumped off the wagon at Christmas time. I would like to say that I "fell off the wagon" -- because it sounds so much more like an accident... but I knew exactly what I was doing when I did it.

Christmas Eve I decided I would eat whatever I wanted through until the day after Christmas. I had been a rock-star at this whole dieting thing for the the entire rest of the year... and I was fed up.

But Christmas Eve/Christmas Day came and went ... and so did New Years Eve/New Years Day.... and several other minor holidays along the way and I never really fully committed to healthy food choices again.

I somehow managed to gain 12 pounds between Saturday - Saturday of Christmas Eve to New Years Eve -- and then I knocked most of that down, only to gain some of it back -- and then lose some -- gain some -- lose some... etc...

By the time my sister came home for a 1.5 week furlough on her way back to Japan (where she lives now) -- I was eating just about anything I wanted, anytime that I wanted -- and I had stabilized. Unfortunately -- I had stabilized right at 202 pounds. Boo! My LIW was 182. I had sabotaged myself by 20 pounds! And technically, I still had at least 3 weeks to go before I could do another Round of HCG.

Then I remembered that I still had around 1/2 a vial of HCG in the fridge and quite a few needles. I needed a jump start to get back to healthy eating -- and nothing boosts my resolve like some good losses. So against my best judgement, I bought a pregnancy test at the Dollar Store (HCG still active!) -- and I started up again. I don't know if this is technically a "Round" of HCG -- because I have no idea how many injections I will actually get out of this bottle... and I am sure that I should follow the protocol correctly instead.... but here I am -- making my own rules as I go. I am back down to 188.6 as of this morning -- and I should be able to do the minimum number of days of injections before I run out (23, right?). I would love to get back down to my LIW from the last official Round before I run out... but I'm just happy to have gotten the hunger-beast somewhat under control.

There is a reason that I quit eating all of that crap last year. Once I start -- I can't stop myself.

So all in all, I am feeling a bit frustrated with myself for not sticking with it -- because now I am wasting time losing weight that I already lost once before... but it was a great learning experience about what I can handle and what I cannot handle. And I am not beating myself up over it too much. I had a good time while it lasted, but by the time I started the HCG, I was feeling absolutely sick from eating poorly again.

And I say to myself over and over, "How did I live that way for so long??"