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Had a really bad few days. . . .

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Starting VLCD17

This morning I was down .8. That seems like a great loss, but really I'm just .2 down from where I was last Friday. At work my computer completely crashed and burned Thursday at 3pm, and Friday at 8am it was declared dead and unsaveable (fyi: I normally do my blogging before I start work in the morning). Because of the size of programs that I run for drafting we had to special order and put together a new computer, which will be another few days until it gets to me. SO. . . .. I took on the lovely task of cleaning out the drafting room and the storage room for our company. OMGosh I couldn't drink enough water, and even though I was mostly on Berkeland protocol Friday, I still woke up Saturday to a .2gain. I was so discouraged, and not thinking clearly or logically at all! So I took kiddo on a 3.5hr shopping excursion for new summer clothes (her not me), went over budget a bit, and decided why not just have one of those days with no responsibilities? Okay, it's not like I'll go way too overboard, right?

Well, I didn't go way too overboard, but I ate pretty much whatever I wanted at the salad bar at Jason's Deli as kiddo and I talked about how exciting her summer is going to be, why she isn't talking to so-and-so, about forgiveness, and all the other things that wrap around the head of a late elementary school girl who isn't quite a preteen but not still a child. It was a great experience, and I didn't think it would set me back too far? Besides, it was a perfect endcap to a really fun day.

Except that 3.5hrs of carrying heavy bags and walking the mall length 6 times+, along with the other activities for the day, left me in the same predicament as Friday did. Building muscle and not drinking enough water. Sunday was just as bad, we cleaned the church and I almost blackedout vacuuming, then ran as fast as we could to get all the errands done that day. Monday brought me back to cleaning the storage room and, again, building muscle and not drinking enough water.

Finally, things started calming back down yesterday. After the Saturday cheat (and yes, even by Berkeland protocol that was a total cheat) and heavy lifting I was up 1.6ish from 157.8 on Sunday morning. The scale barely moved until yesterday morning, and I am finally below last Friday's weight. I essentially lost 4 weigh-ins to doing exercise above and beyond what I normally do and cheating. I know that seems so foreign - working out should help lose weight, right? Isn't that the mantra we've always been told>? Well, that isn't how my body rolls on this diet. So, lesson learned.

I have 8 days left on this diet and I am concerned that I will have to extend this round. Sigh, I really screwed up and I'm disappointed in myself. Where is the logical testing and conclusions Berkeland? I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl, and I know I'm not! What made me think I could take a day off? AH!!!

Okay, rant over. And self-destructive "you failed again" mantra is officially gone. There are some bright spots - I know that hotdogs are good to go now, which is nice. I also know how careful I have to be with activity, which shows me that not only has my muscle mass greatly decreased over the course of the last few years, but that I will have to ignore the scale as I start dance classes back up in July. I also know the annoyance of cheating on one meal and the impact it has while on hcg, even if it is homeopathic.

So on to this next 8 days. My goal is still under 150, and I am official back on protocol!

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