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txsunshine

Post #1. VLCD2....

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So....I have been wanting to start a blog...but more of a journal for me to vent and not make everyone read every single thought I write but I have this outlet. And here it goes.

What brings me here: I will journal about my history in a later post. It is getting late but I just wanted to start....the short response: the fat I carry because of the burden and the way it holds me back. It is also VERY important to me that people be able to love themselves at whatever size they are and that EVERYONE has worth. I had tooooooo many years thinking bc I was not stick thin...I was not worthy. I love myself more at 247 pounds than I ever did at 180 or less. MY weight was never stable bc I was never stable.

My struggles: Right now it is not eating my arm off and having faith in the future God has planned for me: particularly with my job, love life, kids, and I guess that pretty much throws in everything.

My inspirations and what keeps me going and is going to keep me going:
-GOD! First and foremost my faith in God is paramount. This is a relationship that has had it's ups and downs growing up in a Baptist church and, quite frankly, being FAR from perfect and always feel like I never fit in. Well....turns out--> VERY FEW PEOPLE DO! and NO ONE is perfect. My relationship with the Baptist God ended the day my grandmother told me my jewish friend was "going to hell". I gave up on it all and became, I guess, Atheist but life happens and there was SO much in my that knew there was more to life and something kept helping me in the universe. I bought a book on religions and tried to see where I fit. I don't really fit into any boxed religion but I feel most comfortable in a non-denominational christian church or a catholic service but, truly, I am open to all religions and believe they all have a common denominator.

-read AA's daily reflections because I feel I am addicted food. I also quit drinking for two years and found the program helpful. Luckily, I really just needed a break from alcohol and I do drink in a very acceptable way. I needed to step away from everything and find myself, did a lot of therapy and just good stuff....except I ate A LOT!...and gained A LOT!

-Jesus calling is a daily devotional that I love to read bc it almost always says EXACTLY what I need to hear.

-THIS MESSAGE BOARD! I had lapband surgery (later story) and I LOVED the people I met on the message board. They were my friends and family. I have good friends and family but NONE of them REALLY/TRULY understand what I am going through and don't ask dumb questions or play 20 questions with me! ARG!!! Most of the time, specifically with family, I am like LEAVE ME ALONE!! Too much of a boundary CROSS!

-I do have GREAT friends and a good support system.

-I need to focus on gratitude and I hope to do it here...not my strength. Need to work that gratitude muscle.

My dreams: Continue to love myself and others and give grace to myself and others the way God gives it to me. Be brave enough to enter the dating world. Be my best me! Find a job that challenges me and that I can't wait to go to everyday. Find the LOVE of my life. Have some babes. SOON! I am 36 and I stress about this a lot. Be able to lay my head down at night and now I have tried to be the best person, daughter, friend, employee, and know if I made a mistake....I am going to try and turn it around the next day. I have many areas where I need to grow but the best me I can be today is all I can do! I will always strive!

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!

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  1. maggiep's Avatar
    Welcome, sister! I'm so glad to see someone singing the praises of God on this journey!! He has guided me to this forum, and each member is a blessing. I had a lot of problems, a lot of fears and struggles, but every time He placed someone in my path who could keep me going and keep me motivated.