So far my birthday has been just great and it isn't even 8 am. Well wishes are coming in; my bff dropped off a card and a gift card to Fresh Thyme, a healthy grocery store--such a thoughtful gift because he knows I'm on a specialized diet right now and that he shouldn't get me a cake or any of the usual treats; I've had my delicious bulletproof coffee and given myself an ayurvedic oil massage followed by a hot shower; weight is steady at 144, just like yesterday, 1.2 lbs below LIW.
At my physical yesterday I got a fully clean bill of health. Despite COVID, my lungs are clear, and for the first time ever I was told that my weight is good, everything is good, I'm in great shape! Happy birthday to me!!
BF should be arriving around noon, which means 30 minutes later because he's perpetually late, but I will be so happy to see him. I've decided that since his mom (he's her caretaker and the reason we're long distance) wants steak for T-Gives, and he absolutely LOVES Thanksgiving dinner and won't have one Thursday, I'm going to make the turkey and whole shebang today so we can share the holiday together. I made the cranberry sauce, my birthday cake, and the pumpkin pie last night, so it's just a matter of roasting the turkey and veggies, mashing the cauliflower, and making the gravy. Trying out a recipe that uses Xantham gum, which is new to me, as a thickener, so we'll see how that turns out. Stuffing/dressing is BF's favorite, so I may run out and get some Stovetop to make just for him so he can have it and take all the leftovers home. That's a better way to spend my time than fussing over getting more boxes unpacked and making the house perfect for his first time here, right?
Side note/observation: I've been noticing myself fall into old patterns of dieting mentality as I consider how I want to behave and move through holiday eating--and I'm doing my best to stay curious about it rather than judge it. Things like negotiating with myself about eating with abandon (within P3 protocol, though), in other words enjoying a planned binge, and then fasting the next day. Or carefully measuring and weighing everything to stay on track, skipping breakfast to make space for more calories later, etc. I'm watching the pendulum of my mind swing.
Then it dawned on me this morning: GIRL, why are you doing this to yourself? Why not continue on the same path you've been on and eat when hungry, sit down and slow down to eat, enjoy every bite, stop when satisfied? DUH. Old habits die hard I guess. Doing my best to keep my eye on the prize, which more than anything--weight loss, body transformation, better physical health--is food FREEDOM. Hello!
Just wanted to write that down because I have a feeling I'll need to come back to it again and again. Rerouting my diet brain to become a healthy freedom brain will take time. Those grooves are deep. But I trust I will smooth over if not heal them and develop new neural pathways in which I don't think so hard about all of this and it just comes naturally, by default, that I eat when hungry, stop when satisfied, and ENJOY myself first and foremost. No regrets.
That's my aim, anyway.
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