The Stabilization of MissM

Thanks for the wave and for checking in, Yvonne! Certainly sounds as if you are busy with your keto candy-making factory. So delightful. And it's so good to step away from the computer when you can. Glad you're taking care of yourself in that way.

I agree with you that P3 really does feel quite doable long term for the most part--with those added worth-it treats on the weekend or whenever. To get to that place where life no longer feels like a diet, there's no restriction or deprivation, and weight also remains stable, well, that is the ultimate goal, isn't it? As you note, the trick now is to keep it that way. And I also think you're correct in that continuing to use the scale is a major part of that long-term equation.

As for potatoes, last round they were the thing I dreamed about and missed the most, now I can take or leave them. In fairness, I have nibbled on potato chips twice during P3 (naughty-naughty), but we're talking literally about 10 chips total. There really is something, I think, to an increased desire for the forbidden. At least with some things for me.

I've put together an Easter dinner menu I'm quite excited about: grilled butterflied leg of lamb with rosemary and garlic, mushroom-parmesan cauliflower rice risotto, grilled asparagus, and a keto lemon pound cake plus some low-sugar wine. I'll technically be out of P3 at that point, but I'm just veering in the direction of ketoish pretty much at all times. It really does feel like the way forward.

And I'm continuing to experiment with IF, even thought I'd do a longer, full-day fast yesterday, but I wasn't feeling it in the end. Got hungry at 5 p.m. and made air-fried chicken wings. My problem with fasting is when I get overly hungry, like yesterday, and then find it very difficult not to eat past satisfaction. Partly because I'm so ravenous it's difficult to slow down and pay attention to those satiety cues. Before I know it I'm stuffed--and it's a little bit satisfying after having felt practically starved. So, that's something to work on for sure. But I really do love the ease of one meal a day at least some of the time (I'm thinking M-W-F) and then two meals a day the rest of the time except maybe Sundays when I don't have a morning yoga class planned--or anything else--and may want to do breakfast. That would be a lovely treat.

But I'm back to really wanting to focus again on hunger and satiety, practicing restraint and reverence appropriately. This is the way forward. And I think it's just going to take a little bit of time to settle in to what works. In many ways this process requires several identity shifts: from the girl who eats like a man (to quote my old granny, may she RIP) to someone who practices restraint and reverence with food; and from the chubby girl to just another thin, fit girl. And by girl, I most definitely mean woman.

But both those shifts are pretty enormous. I'm kind of famous among family and friends for my appetites for all things--it's part of my joie de vivre. How will I now behave with beloveds and express my joie de vivre and love of freedom without making food and drink a major part of it? Can I be more normal with food, keep my commitment to myself without being a downer who always says "NO"?

And I experienced a bit of grief the other day when a friend sent me a pic from my visit to see him three years ago. I was feeling like I looked pretty good at the time, and what I noticed is how heavy I was compared to now. I always thought I carried weight well and hid my fatness successfully--and to some extent I did; however, fortyish pounds down I realize that my frame is a lot smaller than I realized, and I carried too much weight for a very long time. I'm feeling some grief about that--about having lived my life fat and struggling with it. I think the antidote to that now is to continue the experiment of finding a way that now no longer fat to remain that way and to also lay down the struggle. Because I'm the one who creates it. Which means I'm the only one who can choose to create a different way.

I've made good progress on sorting through my closets and drawers to get rid of my outsized clothes. This feels like a major step. To trust that I'll keep off this weight. To create the conditions in which I really must keep off this weight if I'm not to require buying another new wardrobe. I'm actually looking forward to having fewer clothes and am aiming to not overstuff my closet and drawers. I'm noticing some important metaphors and symbols here. Overmuch. Overstuffed. More than I need. Doing my best to work with finding the middle way. Just enough. And discovering the pleasure, the joy, in that.

Miss M, I’m a big eater too so I know exactly where you coming from. Just a thought, but it may be too early for you to do an all day fast. Or maybe an all day fast just isn’t a good option for you at all if it has a propensity to make you ravenous which could easily lead to a binge. I do know what you mean though, sometimes fasting is easier and gives you time to get other things done. As much as I love P3 food I do find it very time consuming to prep and cook all those yummy P3 meals. Your Easter menu sounds lovely. I’ll be joining you in P3 soon starting Saturday. I’ve already staring prepping. So far I’ve made Mayo, BBQ sauce, coconut candies and salad dressing. I’ve found for me, the key to success in P3 takes a lot of time for planning/preparing/cooking super clean P3 foods. I’ve always done well when I adhere to this. Things start going awry when I start adding in prepackaged foods or don’t take time to properly plan meals. Prepare, prepare, prepare...I must be prepared! The thing I love most about P3 is how grateful I am for the food I can eat those first few days of P3. I just love that feeling. It’s the simple things, like grateful for the heavy cream I can now have in my coffee, grateful I can eat raspberries and BACON! I really need to work on not losing that gratefulness. The moment I start feeling ungrateful is when problems start to arise. Instead of feeling grateful of all the wonderful things I can eat, I start feeling ungrateful and resentful for all the things I can’t eat. It’s a pattern for me and it’s super frustrating. I hope I can do better this time.

So much good stuff here. Will take some time this evening to read through.

JGD, thank you! And congrats on being so close to finished with a successful P2 and already preparing well for P3. You seem to really know what you're doing as far as that is concerned, what works for your body when during the transition, so I have full faith it will be smooth sailing for you. And cheers to gratitude! Indeed, it's those little unctuous pleasures like cream in your coffee and bacon when you want it that really can feel so vey indulgent after the deprivation of P2. Enjoy every moment!

I feel like I've found my groove with P3. Today is three weeks, but Yvonne tells me I need four weeks because this is my second time, and my doc's office wants me to do at least eight weeks. So, I'm not calling today anything special. But I have eaten well, I wasn't ravenous, I kept to a four-hour eating window, which is pretty easy for me, and I don't feel that compulsion to snack on nuts and coconut chips and the like as I did my first few days of P3, which was very much a bad idea. But I suspect I should have ended my round earlier than I did, that HCG had done as much as it could, I was at goal, and continuing to do P2 was kind of starving me.

Anyway, what I meant to say is thank you for your good suggestion regarding longer fasts. I think you're right: it's just not the thing for me right now. I may work up to it and I may not. What I'm doing seems to be working quite well; I feel like I'm no longer a sugar burner and that I'm fat adapted; but that my appetite is still settling in to a happy place.

I'm OK with continuing to figure this out for myself. All in good time. As Jeff mentioned, it's most likely a forever process. Might as well settle in.

And yes, food prep is most certainly a thing. A thing that requires plenty of time and attention and energy. I love to cook and research recipes and try new things and shop for food, but sometimes it does get to be a bit much. Thanks for pointing it out. It may be a big part of my overwhelm the other day when I posed the question about orthorexia. It's almost as if in order to be healthy one must be somewhat food obsessed. And I'd rather not be so consumed by it one way or the other. And that's where fasting can be helpful--as you mentioned. And frankly, I seem to feel better eating less frequently. Like it just gives my body (in addition to my mind) a break.

But as you mentioned, a 24-, 36-, or 48-hour fast may simply be too much too soon for me right now. And it had occurred to me that I'd be best served treading into that territory with much longer time out from HCG. Everything I've read supports fasting as healthy, especially for insulin-resistant folks like me, and not the cause of metabolic problems, but it seems like since P3 is all about resetting the hypothalamus, I'm better off keeping up my calories. Which I certainly do even when I'm eating just one to two meals a day.

Best of luck finishing up this P2 and enjoying (and sustaining gratitude for) your P3 foods when the time comes!

drat... was halfway through posting yesterday and then got side tracked... lets hope I was able to save it

MissM
It is interesting that you mention the shift in your life and quoting Granny.. A colleague called me this morning near tears worrying about her mum going for back surgery and I just reminded her gently that Life is a given...Life will happen, there is nothing we can do to change the events on our path-- But we have the power to choose how we feel about it, and how we react to it.... and in your case the beauty in it all for you is that in spite of all the obesity in your life, you took ownership and you healed yourself, Not only by losing weight, but looking at the WHOLE... healing yourself, body, mind and spirit... and you are entitled to feel proud of what you have accomplished..... and more so, you can still eat your large portions.... but large portions of the right foods and within your plan, Be it part fasting or not.... You have come a long way and all you have to remind yourself is to be vigilantly mindful to keep it where it is right now

I know Leez often say that P3 and P4 is not about Keto.... we probably brandish the word around a lot, but you and I understand what we mean by eating Keto... basically being starch/carb and sugar aware.... I know I can eat and try out some stuff.... but for me there is no need to, I stick to what I prefer to eat...

Talking about "carrying your weight well" I am in the same boat... people can never believe I am the weight I say I am because I do carry it well...Lol or I have just learned to dress well for my body shape... But we look at ourselves with "fat eyes"... and that is something we have to retrain our brains.... I swear any weight I gain, goes FIRST to my face.... and that is what I see first.... but this past week I caught myself complimenting myself that I have lost fat off my face...not in a gaunt way, but not as chubby as before....

I think you and I share something I think a lot of people who have a life long history of dieting are guilty of... and that is other than looking at ourselves with Fat eyes.... is a feeling of guilt... guilty when you eat to much...guilty when you eat to little... what would family /friends think etc.... We know our own bodies.... and we should eat to hunger, no matter what others opinions are.... I think your journey started way before doing HCG.... all you have to do is to stay mindful... And yes I get the concern with changing BFs mindset... but you will get there , I know it!

and like you... I love cooking and baking and spoiling friends... and it is a great celebration....and as you say you need to get other stuff you can do together... but cooking need not be a bad thing... my friends laugh because I am forever trying out new healthy recipes ...sugar free ...keto and they love it , simply because I keep them aware and on their toes.... A friend and I are working on a FaceBook page selling some baking related stuff Her sister has a machine that does cake toppers and stuff like that and she wants me to make special Fondant decorations and speaking last weekend she planted a seed that I can sell keto fat bombs and banting desserts etc in our community... and I like the idea actually... its a nice way to spoil people without it ending up in my tummy or on my hips.... all things Keto is pretty pricey in SA.... and sometimes people do not want to spend on stuff they have not tried or may not use again, I have had to throw things out before for not using it before the use by date, I now use a second chest freezer to keep all my flours and nuts and baking stuff in as to not waste but yet always have what I need at hand...and there are always people who would prefer a sugar free alternative to eating sugary stuff.... BTW talking about sugar free marshmallows yesterday.... I found a recipe yesterday which I will be trying over the weekend for my sugar free Hot chocolate bombs...with none of the sugar alcohols that causes tummy upsets... also still have to try Leez's Gummy bears as well

Thank you, Yvonne. Your response is a balm to me. You're so right about so many things, per usual. Looking at ourselves with "fat eyes" and feeling guilty no matter what among them. But as I mentioned in my response on your thread, today I'm really going to focus on giving myself credit for the good choices I've made, and I think I'll place that big overview you mentioned at the top of the list: I have, indeed, addressed the obesity, and the journey began a very long time ago. Of course the rub is to maintain it now, especially through the potentially rough waters of peri menopause and menopause and beyond, but now I know I can do it, and I have the tools, including the all-important mindset pieces, in place.

I also LOVE your idea of starting a little business for yourself. I mean, you're doing all these labors of love anyway, why not make a buck and make your wonderful products more widely available? Just last night I ate a little store-bought keto bomb, a dark chocolate coconut cup that cost a fortune. It was a very nice treat, but not something I'd want to pay that much for on a regular basis. But I honestly don't think I'm up for the labor you're involved in, and frankly, I'm a little afraid of the restraint it would take for me to keep a glut of homemade keto bombs in the house without eating them. That's certainly a habit for me to continue working on: indulging my sweets cravings.

Oh well. What I'm saying is I would gladly place an order for some of your goodies if I were in your neck of the woods!

Thank you again for your beautiful response. It really does mean so very much to me! XO

Morning MissM....
I remember after my first diagnosis with Cancer How people would say "I know exactly how you feel".... and it often angered me, because unless you have walked that journey, you do not know! and even if you have gone down that road, every person handles their issues differently.... those demons within can be our own worst enemy.... and this goes for our battle with our weight... we have a fat gene in our family and I have to be mindful of that

Like my issue with seldom having hunger and not being able to eat large meals is the Bain of my life... some people think its a blessing, but I know that if i skip meals or eat to little the weight will come piling back on....

Acknowledging thing that I think and penning it down is what helps me a lot in dealing with issues, because the moment it have to form the words and the sentences it becomes clearer to me, and there is a chance that the way we "speak our minds" is often something that can help another person on the journey

Haha the beauty of Fat bombs, they re often banned to the freezer...in my case the freezer in the garage... So I am fairly safe.... in fact Remember those Chocolate Cheesecake recipe I made.... was also kept in the garage and i only finished the last of it earlier this week.....

Enjoy the day!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FlirtyFlo

Talking about "carrying your weight well" I am in the same boat... people can never believe I am the weight I say I am because I do carry it well...Lol or I have just learned to dress well for my body shape...

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I get that a lot too. It is so upsetting. What they really mean is that you are a lovely fat person.

Your idea sounds great!! I'd honestly order a sample pack of all your stuff, even all the way from SA just because.

MrsS.....by the time it reaches you it would be way more expensive and probably not good anymore

Haha lovely fat person... will remember that

Better a lovely fat person than a hideous one, I guess. . . . LOL

So today's experiment has been to focus on giving myself credit for the good choices I make, and consciously so. It's been pretty remarkable to witness how much happier and better I feel overall as well as how much more I'm magnetized toward gratitude. I may make this my goal for the week ahead: simply focus on what I'm doing right and pat myself on the back a little for everything I notice. Like begets like, and it's nice to be reminded of that when it's positive!

It even trickled into my eating today. Eating to satisfaction, about 80% full, came quite easily. I'd made bacon-wrapped, pickle-juice-brined chicken drumsticks with mashed cauliflower and braised mixed greens for my first meal of the day this afternoon, and I ended up eating less than half of what I'd planned for and felt complete in that. I also gave myself permission to have more to eat later if I'm hungry again rather than having to stick to one meal a day, and I think that eased things up mentally for me as well. This is important to note, and one more reason to simply eat to satiety. Overeating at any point just doesn't serve me well on any level. I'm getting there. . . .

I'm seven days out from when my period is due and I'm not feeling any kind of way about it. I really do suspect that not weighing myself daily has something to do with it. Watching the scale creep, even though I understand why and it's predictable, still does my head in this time of the month and creates unnecessary anxiety. It's not useful data to me. So, I doubt I'll be stepping on it again until after my period arrives.

Happy TGIF, all!

Be kind to yourself girl... when is the new scale due to arrive?