The Stabilization of MissM

**DivineMissM** · March 19th, 2021, 04:44 AM

Yvonne, I am 100 percent with you on the ways we speak to ourselves as well as eliminating "can't" and "hate" as well as "shouldn't"--"don't 'should' on yourself" a friend of mine used to say when I would utter the word. Love that. Oh, and I do tend to overuse the word "love" for a similar reason . . . what we say begets more of what we say. . . .

The recipe I found for coconut yogurt is in The Keto Reset Instant Pot Cookbook by Mark Sisson that I just received. It does require a yogurt starter as well as gelatin, both of which I've ordered from Thrive Market. Not sure if it's online or if you have an instant pot? I'll do some looking around. . . .

Also, I haven't read anywhere about adding an extra week to P3. I do know P4 needs to be longer with each round before starting another round, though. What's your source on that, friend? It doesn't trouble me much since I'm actually planning for an 8-week P3, but as I've been a bit more relaxed about a lot of things lately, I was thinking I might have a glass of wine with friends during a planned visit a week from Sunday. Other than that, I have no plans to reintroduce anything much except the raw chocolate I have with a touch of honey in it.

**DivineMissM** · March 19th, 2021, 05:06 AM

Well, I've come to realize and accept that I'm going through one of those phases in life wherein I'm undergoing big changes but it feels like nothing is happening. Can anyone relate?

Because of something Dubbles said, it dawned on me that I have actually lost approximately ONE QUARTER of my body weight. And I've never done anything like this before. I mean, I had a significant gain following chemo and radiation when my thyroid was obliterated and I didn't realize it. From around 160-200 back in the 90's when I was a teenager still. And then my weight bobbled around a bit but pretty much always settled in the low 160s no matter what I did. That is pretty clearly what my set point has been for most of my adult life. Which is why my original goal for HCG was 155. That was the lowest maintainable weight I'd experienced and felt pretty good there. My doc had also written me a note for ww with that as my approved goal weight even though per their charts 147 is the top of my healthy weight range.

Anyway, now I'm hovering in the low 130s. So, of course this is a huge adjustment on so many levels. I think I was so focused and driven to lose and stabilize and maintain I wasn't really aware of how big a deal this potentially is for me and that it will take time for everything to settle in and get caught up and calm down. This stabilization phase is about so much more than the scale. Even way beyond my relationship with food. It's about the whole system readjusting. And so I need to be very gentle with myself.

That's what I've come to today, anyway.

Food, activity, hydration, sleep are all good at the moment. I'm definitely enjoying food, continuing my practice of cultivating and practicing restraint and reverence with food as well as making each meal a puja, or ritual. Feeling good about something that happened last night and a conscious shift in response. Basically, I facetimed with a dear friend I hadn't spoken to in months and it stirred up some difficult emotions. So much so that I felt an impulse to soothe myself with food and drink even though I was finished eating for the day and wasn't genuinely hungry for anything other than comfort and ease. But monkey mind was telling me to crack open one of my bottles of low sugar wine, have a glass, I deserve it. Another part of me said, Girl, alcohol is a depressant and you just finished ugly crying with your friend. You don't need any physiological help feeling lowdown at the moment. So, I met myself in the middle. I lit a fire (yesterday we had a freezing rain kind of spring cold snap), decided I'd run myself an epsom salts bath, and I made myself two warm drinks over the course of the evening. One, an herbal tea from my ayurved; the other a tremendous treat I've discovered. I froth together a bit of nut pods creamer with really good cocoa powder, that marvelous stevia Leez recommended, some sweet spices, a couple drops of vanilla, and a little spoonful of powdered almond butter, then add boiling water as I continue to froth. It turns into what feels like a really indulgent chocolate-almond latte. Except no coffee, not even decaf, because I'm trying to cut back.

Anyway, it felt like a nice way to mother myself, to use the language I brought up regarding mrsstrong's approach. And it literally reminded me of sweet childhood memories of my mama bringing me a warm cup of horlicks in my special Beatrix Potter cup and saucer before bed. Even as a child hated going to bed because of FOMO, LOL, and that sweetened the deal.

Again, misuse of food? Or appropriate comforting? Still seeking the balance while also practicing restraint and reverence. Per usual, I want it all.

**FlirtyFlo** · March 19th, 2021, 06:05 AM

[QUOTE=DivineMissM;1091804]
Also, I haven't read anywhere about adding an extra week to P3. I do know P4 needs to be longer with each round before starting another round, though. What's your source on that, friend? /QUOTE]

I am so aware of this one because it is the one I often broke in earlier rounds

Page 43 Pounds and inches
Further Courses

Patients requiring the loss of more than 34 lbs. must have a second or even more courses. A second course can be started after an interval of not less than six weeks, though the pause can be more than six weeks. When a third, fourth or even fifth course is necessary, the interval between courses should be made progressively longer. Between a second and third course eight weeks should elapse, between a third and fourth course twelve weeks, between a fourth and fifth course twenty weeks and between a fifth and sixth course six months. In this way it is possible to bring about a weight reduction of 100 lbs. and more if required without the least hardship to the patient.

**FlirtyFlo** · March 19th, 2021, 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by DivineMissM

The recipe I found for coconut yogurt is in The Keto Reset Instant Pot Cookbook by Mark Sisson that I just received. It does require a yogurt starter as well as gelatin, both of which I've ordered from Thrive Market. Not sure if it's online or if you have an instant pot? I'll do some looking around. . . .

I do have an instant pot but also saw that I could get cultures from a health shop... may consider

It doesn't trouble me much since I'm actually planning for an 8-week P3, but as I've been a bit more relaxed about a lot of things lately, I was thinking I might have a glass of wine with friends during a planned visit a week from Sunday. Other than that, I have no plans to reintroduce anything much except the raw chocolate I have with a touch of honey in it.

yip.... generally quite happy with P3... but I have had to occasional glass of wine in the past week and still going strong!

**FlirtyFlo** · March 19th, 2021, 06:30 AM

MissM...
So sorry for the emotions being dredged up...
This isolation is not good for mental health... I think generally I am mentally strong (or I am because I know no other way to be) but with the serious stress at work and very little outside contact, for me as a social person it becomes hard.. I am craving social time with good friends....but I am going away for a weekend in 4 weeks time and cannot wait.... It is with three people I have had regular contact during all of lockdown so I feel excited for a change of scenery

I love how you find alternatives.... I felt like hot chocolate yesterday for no reason at all, it is hot...(was raining) and then decided I did not really needed or wanted it having thought it through.... I am lazy with cooking or doing things for myself and the way you spoil yourself and truly giving an "I am worth it" spin to how you spoil (mother) yourself

If you were closer I would have sent you a spoily... started making Hot Chocolate Bombs as a substitute to Easter eggs for easter... and I will also be making a sugar free version...and then I thought... while I am with it, I will make Keto Fat bombs encased in sugar free chocolate ball as a test....I have all the butters, nuts and seeds in the pantry I might as well put it to use... at the same time I same amazing savoury fat bombs I can make for treats on the weekend away... disguised as snacks.will send pics

**Dubbles** · March 19th, 2021, 07:48 AM

I'm so with Yvonne, I love how you find ways to pamper yourself. I want to be more like that! I tend to think if it's only for me, why bother! Such a bad attitude, we are all worth it!. "misuse of food? Or appropriate comforting?" I would definitely say Appropriate comforting! And good for you!

**mrsstrong** · March 19th, 2021, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by DivineMissM

Yvonne, I am 100 percent with you on the ways we speak to ourselves as well as eliminating "can't" and "hate" as well as "shouldn't"--"don't 'should' on yourself" a friend of mine used to say when I would utter the word. Love that. Oh, and I do tend to overuse the word "love" for a similar reason . . . what we say begets more of what we say. . . .

And we don't "should" on someone else either!

**mrsstrong** · March 19th, 2021, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by DivineMissM

Well, I've come to realize and accept that I'm going through one of those phases in life wherein I'm undergoing big changes but it feels like nothing is happening. Can anyone relate?

Because of something Dubbles said, it dawned on me that I have actually lost approximately ONE QUARTER of my body weight. And I've never done anything like this before. I mean, I had a significant gain following chemo and radiation when my thyroid was obliterated and I didn't realize it. From around 160-200 back in the 90's when I was a teenager still. And then my weight bobbled around a bit but pretty much always settled in the low 160s no matter what I did. That is pretty clearly what my set point has been for most of my adult life. Which is why my original goal for HCG was 155. That was the lowest maintainable weight I'd experienced and felt pretty good there. My doc had also written me a note for ww with that as my approved goal weight even though per their charts 147 is the top of my healthy weight range.

Anyway, now I'm hovering in the low 130s. So, of course this is a huge adjustment on so many levels. I think I was so focused and driven to lose and stabilize and maintain I wasn't really aware of how big a deal this potentially is for me and that it will take time for everything to settle in and get caught up and calm down. This stabilization phase is about so much more than the scale. Even way beyond my relationship with food. It's about the whole system readjusting. And so I need to be very gentle with myself.

That's what I've come to today, anyway.

Food, activity, hydration, sleep are all good at the moment. I'm definitely enjoying food, continuing my practice of cultivating and practicing restraint and reverence with food as well as making each meal a puja, or ritual. Feeling good about something that happened last night and a conscious shift in response. Basically, I facetimed with a dear friend I hadn't spoken to in months and it stirred up some difficult emotions. So much so that I felt an impulse to soothe myself with food and drink even though I was finished eating for the day and wasn't genuinely hungry for anything other than comfort and ease. But monkey mind was telling me to crack open one of my bottles of low sugar wine, have a glass, I deserve it. Another part of me said, Girl, alcohol is a depressant and you just finished ugly crying with your friend. You don't need any physiological help feeling lowdown at the moment. So, I met myself in the middle. I lit a fire (yesterday we had a freezing rain kind of spring cold snap), decided I'd run myself an epsom salts bath, and I made myself two warm drinks over the course of the evening. One, an herbal tea from my ayurved; the other a tremendous treat I've discovered. I froth together a bit of nut pods creamer with really good cocoa powder, that marvelous stevia Leez recommended, some sweet spices, a couple drops of vanilla, and a little spoonful of powdered almond butter, then add boiling water as I continue to froth. It turns into what feels like a really indulgent chocolate-almond latte. Except no coffee, not even decaf, because I'm trying to cut back.

Anyway, it felt like a nice way to mother myself, to use the language I brought up regarding mrsstrong's approach. And it literally reminded me of sweet childhood memories of my mama bringing me a warm cup of horlicks in my special Beatrix Potter cup and saucer before bed. Even as a child hated going to bed because of FOMO, LOL, and that sweetened the deal.

Again, misuse of food? Or appropriate comforting? Still seeking the balance while also practicing restraint and reverence. Per usual, I want it all.

Yes, this is my "I am trying to walk but something is holding me back and I can only move in slow motion against the wind" dream. I know when I start dreaming it that I need to pay attention to something. On the reverse, I also have a recurring dream of flying over things and they tell me I have moved

When I lost 90# back then, everything changed. Being overweight has a function and figuring this out helps with maintaining the loss. It certainly did for me. It also took me a long time to stop buying clothes that were too large because I just couldn't see myself as that much smaller. I went from 2X to M. It was really weird. It was also really hard and strange to experience other people's reactions to me. People definitely respond differently to you when you are overweight

It sounds like you are really finding your way with food and comfort/processing. It sounds like appropriate comforting to me! This is such a huge gain! No pun intended LOL

**DivineMissM** · March 19th, 2021, 02:24 PM

[QUOTE=FlirtyFlo;1091809]

Originally Posted by DivineMissM

Also, I haven't read anywhere about adding an extra week to P3. I do know P4 needs to be longer with each round before starting another round, though. What's your source on that, friend? /QUOTE]

I am so aware of this one because it is the one I often broke in earlier rounds

Page 43 Pounds and inches
Further Courses

Patients requiring the loss of more than 34 lbs. must have a second or even more courses. A second course can be started after an interval of not less than six weeks, though the pause can be more than six weeks. When a third, fourth or even fifth course is necessary, the interval between courses should be made progressively longer. Between a second and third course eight weeks should elapse, between a third and fourth course twelve weeks, between a fourth and fifth course twenty weeks and between a fifth and sixth course six months. In this way it is possible to bring about a weight reduction of 100 lbs. and more if required without the least hardship to the patient.

Right. Aware of this, but I'm not planning on any more rounds. I took the appropriate pause between the first two. So, what makes you conclude that I need four weeks now for P3?

**DivineMissM** · March 19th, 2021, 02:31 PM

Y'all go on and treat yo'selves, ya hear? Appropriately and creatively, of course. . . .

Yvonne, those keto treats sound delectable. I am not a baker (save for Christmas when it feels worth it and fun) so I'd especially enjoy your gorgeous-sounding fat bombs!

You are TOTALLY worth it, Dubbles!

mrsstrong, I just had a convo with BFF while on his massage table about how it's a shock to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm like, whose muscular, lithe arms are those? It happened today in pilates. And I keep buying clothes that are too big. It is a lot to wrap your head around. And that's just the obvious stuff. Now I'm thinking about my internal organs and hormonal systems . . . not to mention deeper mental and emotional shifts. Gotta give it time and patience and gentleness, methinks. . . .

**mrsstrong** · March 19th, 2021, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by DivineMissM

mrsstrong, I just had a convo with BFF while on his massage table about how it's a shock to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm like, whose muscular, lithe arms are those? It happened today in pilates. And I keep buying clothes that are too big. It is a lot to wrap your head around. And that's just the obvious stuff. Now I'm thinking about my internal organs and hormonal systems . . . not to mention deeper mental and emotional shifts. Gotta give it time and patience and gentleness, methinks. . . .

Yes, indeed and you are so worth it!

**DivineMissM** · March 20th, 2021, 06:59 AM

Happy Saturday morning, friends! I am officially in the second half of my cycle and acutely aware of it, LOL. It makes me want to absolutely STAY OFF THE SCALE, but I don't know if that's the right course. Definitely not Dr. Simeons' recommendation. And I've noticed in myself an avoidance across the board. I'm in an annual seasonal bummer I'm trying to manage, just wanting rest, sick of everything, struggling everyday to find the sunshine in myself to beam out. Part of it is definitely what Yvonne mentioned about pandemic isolation. I am, without a doubt, deprived of real human contact, and it's really having an effect. I just told my neighbor yesterday who asked me about all the walking I do that it's part of my mission to have human contact. If I didn't leave my house and say hello to him and other walkers and their dogs three times a day I'd have no interaction with humans except through screens. Serious bummer for this extrovert.

Anyway, I think I've figured out a few things moving forward:

1. One long fasted walk in the morning then walks after meals and digestive protocol before meals is working really well.
2. Limiting my black coffee to one small carafe of pour over for now is good. I can take this in stages.
3. I'm settling into a routine with intermittent fasting that feels good. A noon to 5 window is kind of my sweet spot for now, but I'm allowing myself flexibility as needed. Some days if I'm actually hungry for a morning breakfast, I'll have it!
4. Planned "treats" that cultivate the illusion of food freedom is a continuing experiment.

What happened last night is I had planned to create healthy junk food for myself for dinner, a kind of TGIF dinner of old. It included pickle-brined chicken wings with buffalo sauce and ranch, and an air-fried pizza made with one of those outer aisle cauliflower crusts and some vegan cheese plus delectable real toppings--left over cooked bacon, prosciutto, spinach, mushrooms, and chopped roasted garlic cloves with some low-carb red sauce.

The verdict: the vegan cheese just isn't worth it. I'd be better off skipping it or just having real cheese on the rare occasion. Even my doc had said a little cheese or yogurt once in a while should be fine with my casein intolerance. Next time I think I'll do the pizza in the oven, because the crust flipped around a bit in the air fryer and made a bit of a mess. And the wings were fab. I think I've really locked in a good method for making wings I love, and as I've mentioned before, I really love wings. Brined in pickle juice for two days, steamed, dried, dusted with seasoning, and air fried at 400, flipping and shaking every few minutes until golden brown and crispy.

Anyway, what else happened with this meal is I ate to fullness, past satisfaction. And I enjoyed it. I know, I know, I keep saying this is my main work, to learn to not overeat and discover true satiety signals and respond . . . and that's still true. However, I can't help but wonder if giving myself a planned, compliant meal from time to time to let loose in that way won't help me practice restraint and reverence with food the majority of the time? This is coming, in part, from the very interesting convo with mrsstrong about that desire to be free with food. I know there's some research about restraint, that humans have a tendency to only be able to exercise it for so long and in so many areas before the release valve is needed. What if we planned for it rather than let it happen wily nily? Maybe for some personalities that could work best.

I don't know. As I said, this is still an experiment for me. But just as a planned "cheat" meal or day or whatever once or twice a month in P4/life post-HCG may create the conditions in which the low-carb/keto/lifestyle of choice can work the rest of the time, maybe a compliant low-carb meal of choice in which I give myself permission to eat to fullness rather than satiety once a week, might help me practice restraint the rest of the time.

It's a question of approach. Must I transform everything at once? Or might I work with a less-than-healthy tendency of mine to want to overeat, to want to enjoy that feeling of eating with abandon past the point of satiety, to fullness, and allow for it once in a while with the intention of limiting it to a single, albeit repeated, occasion? I'm not sure. I have mixed feelings about it, and I'm going to observe myself today and in the next week to see if allowing for it makes me want to do it more often or if allowing for it gives me greater powers to return to the commitment to eating only to satiety.

By the way, this is totally embarrassing to me, and I don't know that I could talk about it to people IRL, so I'm extra grateful right now for this forum and this particular disembodied screen communication (to renege on what I led this post with!). Such complex creatures we can be. . . .

Anyway, happy weekend to all! I'm going for a walk, then yoga, then grading and cleaning the rest of the day. A visit to BF tomorrow and Monday to kick off spring break. Looking forward to some R&R with my beloved. I hope there's all good things in your immediate future, friends. Happy spring!

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